A Family is Born

I have moved (my blog that is)

2010-12-09T09:24:00.003-05:00

I will no longer be posting anything new on this blog. I will leave it live for those wishing to learn about the adoption process since that's what my original intention was.

You may find me posting on my new blog called Beyond Infertility.

I will still receive email notification if you comment on this blog and I will respond as needed.

Thanks to everyone for your support and love during the life of this blog.

I wish you all the best.

Love,
Julie

end of our journey

2010-12-02T13:15:00.003-05:00

It is with great regret that I write to let you know we had our final FET on Nov. 4 and it failed.

After doing some research, I asked the lab if we could "grow" our 3-day embryos to 5-day embryos to improve our chances. The lab director agreed that this could show who the best/healthiest embryos are.

We thawed all ten remaining embryos. Nine survived.

We "challenged" the nine 3-day embryos to 5 days. Two of them grew to blastocysts and and showed improved quality. One made it to the Morula stage (nearly blastocyst). So we transferred three.

We donated the six remaining embryos to our lab for research, with the blessing of the donors.

I was in a lot of pain during the 2ww. Our RE said that was HOPEFULLY a sign that my uterus was adjusting to the embryos implanting. I dreampt that all three split and I was pregnant with SIX!!!

Friday, Nov. 19 the sever pain landed me in the local ER where they determined I have a hemorrhagic cyst that is about 2.5" big. It is the least life-threatening type, but the most painful. Leave it to me. They think it might have been caused by the Lupron and/or hormones I was on, but there is really no way of knowing.

I was in bed for the next 10 days, but had to return to work on Monday, Nov. 29 due to lack of paid leave. The doctor's aren't sure how long this cyct will last. Yesterday the doctor told me "weeks" but it's already bee WEEKS! I am on pain medication.

Maybe the pain is a blessing, it's kept my mind off the fact that we are now faced with a life without children, something neither of us want.

We are brokenhearted beyond words. How can this be? 11+ years and we end up without any children? Life just seems so incredibly, incredibly unfair.

five holes in my heart

2010-09-01T13:31:00.002-04:00

I've had three miscarriages.

I've had other failed IVF treatments.

But nothing could prepare me for a failed FET.

They were already embryos. Two embryos.

I now feel the loss of five children.

Five of my children. Gone. Just gone.

How does one overcome such a loss?

when infertility strikes

2010-09-01T13:29:00.002-04:00

Although infertility is widely acknowledged as a crisis for individuals and couples, it is less recognized as a trauma that impacts their families. Yet, involuntary childlessness is an intergenerational crisis that has the ability to strain, even damage, family relationships over time by impairing communications and interactions. Invisible losses, such as miscarriages, failed medical treatments, or adoptions gone awry, may highlight a family's inadequate means of dealing with problems . . .

Read more . . .

anniversary

2010-08-28T21:35:00.002-04:00

Tomorrow is our 14th wedding anniversary.

For 11 of 14 years we have been trying to have a baby or adopt a child. As my husband says, we have spent so much time and energy on trying to have children, it has been our second job for 11 years.

Ironically, one of the things that first attracted me to my husband when I met him in Paris in 1995 was the way he talked about his niece. I remember he showed me a Planet Hollywood glass with glitter inside it that he'd bought for her. He missed her a lot and talked about her all the time.

After our recent loss, I have tried to figure out what it is I'm feeling. I've reflected on our 11-year journey to have a family. It was August 11 years ago that we decided to start our family. We were so excited. So full of hope and optimism. Go off the pill in August and be pregnant by the end of the year we figured...

That was 11 years ago, three miscarriages ago, two embryos ago, 10s of 1,000s of dollars ago. . .

Every month for 11 years we've hoped to be pregnant, but it's been month after month, year after year of heartbreak and disappointment.

That's what it means to be infertile, heartbreak after heartbreak.

Today I can hardly see a family on TV or in Walmart without bursting into tears. Where is my child? Where is my family?

We'd planned to go to Paris (where we met) to celebrate our 5th wedding anniversary, and then our 10th anniversary, but we never have. We've spent every penny and every moment trying to have a family, something that seems to come so easy to the rest of the world.

This year we really hoped we'd be celebrating our pregnancy tomorrow. But no, another year has gone by and we are still without child.

I am now hanging on to a thread of hope. Hope that we will still be blessed with a miracle, hope that we will still, some how, some way, have the child we've been waiting and working for, for the past 11 years for.

infertility etiquette

2010-08-23T12:41:00.002-04:00

Chances are, you know someone who is struggling with infertility. More than seven million people of childbearing age in the United States experience infertility. Yet, as a society, we are woefully uninformed about how to best provide emotional support for our loved ones during this painful time . . .

Read more . . .

no soliciting!

2010-07-08T15:12:00.002-04:00

If you are a doctor or clinic or whatever, please refrain from leaving me comments. I will just trash them. I have a doctor who's opinion I respect, and he is completely familiar with my medical history. Please don't waste your time and mine.

Thank you.

the power of positive thinking

2010-07-08T14:35:00.002-04:00

Ok, so, I keep getting asked "what will you do it if doesn't work?"

C'mon people, give me a break.

It IS going to work, I've come to far for it not to.

And what kind of thinking is that anyway? What answer are you expecting me to give you?

Hope for the best, prepare for the worst.

I want it to work, I'm hoping for the best. I just really don't have the time or energy to prepare for the worst, to worry about what if it doesn't work, that just isn't productive for me.

The power of positive thinking.
The power of prayer.

Please, stop asking.
It doesn't help me to force me to think about that.

I remain hopeful.
I remain positive.

eleven years

2010-07-08T11:04:00.003-04:00

Eleven years. In August, it will be eleven years that we have been trying to have a family.

1 billion clomid cycles
2 IUIs
5 med-only cycles
3 miscarriages
2 years of trying to adopt

I can't help but think about how my life is about to change. Most of my friends have only known Julie-trying-to-have-a-family. They don't know me any other way.

I've forgotten what normal Julie is like. Eleven years is a long time.

And now I wonder what it will be like to live my life not trying to have a family.

What will it be like to actually have what I've waited eleven years for. What will I be like. I will have a child to totally focus my attention on, so I will have something to do with all the energy and time I've been spending trying to have a family.

There is big change ahead, and I'm excited. I'm ready to get on with my life!

update

2010-06-24T16:33:00.000-04:00

I’m happy to report the embryos arrived safely today!

ps to today's first update

2010-06-18T16:44:00.003-04:00

I will say one thing, having to wait 4-5 months has given us plenty of time to think about this and talk about it. And we have. And we still feel this is the right thing for us. We feel so blessed to have such awesome donors.

I personally feel that I am getting everything I could have dreamed of. Two years ago I mourned the loss of ever carrying a pregnancy to full term. I will now be blessed with that opportunity and I still cannot believe it. When we turned to adoption, early on we decided we wanted an open adoption because we wanted our children to know where they came from, after talking to several adult adoptees, we realized and appreciated how important it is for people to know where they came from. So we will be able to give our child(ren) the gift of knowing where they came from.

We have had 4+ months to consider our child(ren)'s family tree that will have FOUR main branches, rather than just two.

I take comfort in knowing we are right where we are supposed to be, and I hope what we have been through over the past 11 years will help us to be the best parents we can be.

I do look forward to the day we meet the donors and their children, though I know I'll be a blubbering fool. I have had contact with the donors through email and text messaging and I find myself saying "thank you" A LOT and it just never seems adequate. How do we ever say thank you and convey our deep appreciation for this incredible gift we've been given.

Ok, I've succeeded in making myself cry now, time to go :)

update

2010-06-18T16:40:00.001-04:00

Just heard from our lab that the embryos should be here next week - in plenty of time for an August transfer. Yay!

update

2010-06-18T09:49:00.002-04:00

Unfortunately, we have been told we've missed a July transfer. This has happened because someone dropped the ball and paperwork did not get where it needed to be in time for us to have a July transfer.

This is beyond frustrating for us.

We have done everything in our power to get things done as quickly as possible, but this is not as important to everyone else as it is to us and the donors.

Whether it is adoption or embryo donation, it has been a difficult lesson to learn that this process is not as important to anyone else as it is to us (except, in our case, we are extremely fortunate to have donors who done everything humanly possible to speed up this process. This process is extremely important to them as well).

I wish someone had told us at the start "you can expect the paperwork portion of this process to take 4–6 months" or something like that, but we were told in March that we'd be able to have an April transfer... then a May transfer.... then June...... then July....... and now August......... It's extremely frustrating to be dependent on other people to follow through.

I want to be here for my child(ren). So each month that slips away now means one less month later in life that I will be here for my kids. People keep saying we are closer to having kids than we've ever been before. But that doesn't comfort me. I want to be pregnant NOW so I can be here as far into the future as possible.

It's so frustrating to have your life and your child's life at the mercy of other people. And I know, it is difficult for people who have not walked in our shoes (tried to have a family for the past 11 years) to understand. I wish they could begin to understand how important this is to us.

And all this is assuming the first transfer works. It could be months before a transfer works and we are pregnant. Time is extremely precious . . . to us.

As with the adoption portion of this blog, it's been my hope that others can learn from our journey, and have a feeling for realistic time lines, among other things.

Time is not on my side.

update

2010-06-14T16:54:00.001-04:00

Mailed a mountain of paperwork to our lab today. They will store and handle the embryos.

Ok, NOW I'm getting excited!!!

update

2010-06-10T14:24:00.002-04:00

Today I received the finalized legal agreement. Yippy skippy!

Let's hope for smoother sailing ahead!

update

2010-06-08T14:47:00.002-04:00

All the t's have been crossed, all the i's dotted. We are now waiting for the final copy of the legal agreement from our attorney.

When we receive that, we send a copy of it to our lab, along with a bunch of other paperwork, a fee for one year of embryo storage and a $900 REFUNDABLE deposit for the dewer (special container) the embryos will be shipped from the west coast to the east coast.

Once our lab is happy they have everything, they will contact the lab on the west coast and make the arrangements to have the embryos shipped!

Our lab director says he hopes we can have a transfer in JULY! Wooo hoooo!!!

Fingers, toes and eyes crossed!!!

this is a marathon, not a sprint

2010-06-08T14:36:00.003-04:00

One of our current favorite shows is Gavin and Stacy on BBC America.

Funnily enough, in a recent episode the couple found out they have a problem having children, after trying for over a year. Gavin has low sperm count. As they sit with the doctor who is telling them the news, she tells them to "remember, this is a marathon, not a sprint."

I wish someone had told us that 11 years ago (or even 6 years ago when our problem was finally given a name).

This is a marathon, not a sprint.

These will be my words of advice to anyone who wants to have children and is either waiting to adopt or having ART of some sort. This is a marathon, not a sprint. There is no rushing, pace yourself.

This is a marathon, not a sprint. It's what I now tell myself every morning when I get up.

happy thought!

2010-05-14T14:01:00.001-04:00

I just remembered!!!

My paternal grandma made me two baby quilts when I was in college! I think they are at my mom's house. I hope they are safe and sound because I'm planning to use them!!!

from NYT

2010-05-12T11:21:00.002-04:00

Modern Love
Open Adoption: Not So Simple Math

I WANTED my son to become the kind of person who appreciates the beauty of the world around him, so I smiled when, at 6, he asked to borrow my camera in case he saw “something beautiful.” ...

Click here for the rest of the story.

mother's day

2010-05-06T10:11:00.004-04:00

It's a very difficult day for me. It has been for some years now.

Hopefully next year it will be a HUGE celebration in our home!

eleven years

2010-05-04T12:26:00.006-04:00

Eleven years is a long time to wait for anything.

Eleven years makes the 2ww seem like CAKE!

I have never worked towards or waited for something for eleven years. I went to college for 6 years, the longest I've been at a job is 7 years . I don't think I've ever even lived in the same house for 11 years. I have, however, been married for almost 14 years :)

The longest gestation period for a mammal is that of the African elephant (Loxodonta africana) with an average of 660 days, and a maximum of 760 days. Dude, I so have you beat.

This time has been kinda surreal. One minute I'm just so overjoyed at the idea of being pregnant, and being a mom, the next moment it seems like a far away dream I may never reach.

I'd given up hope of ever having a baby shower or having the privilege of naming our child. Now I'm almost afraid to let those thing back into my mind. To dream of having a baby shower, of naming our child, of hearing the first words, seeing the first steps.

I talk to the embryos almost daily. What can I say, I'm a nut, if you hadn't figured that out by now... I tell them how long we've been waiting for them, and of all the places we've searched for them. I tell them how much they are loved by so many already. I tell them of their funky family tree that will have many many branches.

I cry and cry. I am overwhelmed.

update #372

2010-05-02T10:51:00.003-04:00

The legal process of transferring embryos from the donors to us is proving to be much more complicated than I'd ever imagined. But then our whole journey to be parents has proved to be much more complicated than I'd ever imagined.

I am trying to keep my eye on the prize, but some days are more difficult that others.

The donors continue to be more supportive that I ever could have imagined.

Our RE says this has been one of the most difficult situations he has ever been involved with. Leave it to us to have things be complicated.

There are some meds I that that I cannot take while pregnant so I have been weaning off those, of course with some difficulty.

We began this process in February, and here it is May. We'd hoped for an April transfer, but now May isn't looking good either. Maybe June.

For those of you considering private embryo donation, be sure to ask your attorney what is involved and how long you can expect the legal side of things to take. We never never imagined it would take this long. Our legal agreement is over 12 pages long and contains items we never imagined we'd have to think about. After seeing our RE in March, and talking to our attorney, we assumed it would be taken care of in a matter of weeks, not months. We just has no clue what was involved.

I turned 45 last week. My age is a matter of concern for me because I want to be around for my child(ren) as long as possible, and I'd like to be around to see our grandchildren.

And still, I wonder about the state of adopting from foster in our country. What is wrong with that system that after two years and nearly 100 inquiries, Chris and I were not able to adopt. Why? Why were we never chosen. What will become of the children waiting in foster care.

So much on my mind. I just want a family, yesterday.

forever learning on our journey to become parents

2010-04-13T15:32:00.011-04:00

The waiting continues. Our attorney went on spring break so it took longer for her to draft the agreement and there are still a few blanks to be filled in.

Little did we know we would be faced with questions such as who will get the embryos should my husband and I get a divorce. Not really something we'd given any thought to before now.

In addition to our legal agreement with the donors, we also have a legal agreement with the lab where the embryos will be kept.

Who knew?

Nothing about our journey has been easy, yet I'm still surprised when something takes longer, doesn't happen when I think it should, etc.

One of my friends is really concerned about me being pregnant at my age. I tried to explain that a large part of the risk of being pregnant at my age has to do with the old age of the eggs. I am not getting pregnant with my old eggs, I am getting pregnant with 33-year-old eggs that have already been screened before they were fertilized. Therefore, a lot of the risk has been removed. Yes, there is still some risk when one is of "advanced maternal age," but it is significantly lower when using donor embryo created with the eggs of a 33-year-old woman.

I have been on prenatal vitamins for 11 years now, so I'm well prepared in that respect! And I've been caffeine-free for ages now in preparation for pregnancy.

We have a crib from a family member ready. We will be the third family within our family to use it, and we are very excited about that!

And yes, we do realize how very, very, VERY lucky and blessed we are to have these donors in our lives now and forever. They have already become like family to us. It's so much more than I ever dared dream for. I still pinch myself on a daily basis. I hope my body will come through for all of us and carry a baby (babies?) full term, but, no pressure.

As with the adoption leg of our journey, I am sharing this with you, dear reader, in hopes that you will learn something from our journey. Maybe someone reading this will decide to donate their embryos to another couple unable to have children. Maybe this will simply cause you to walk around with a big fat smile on your face for the rest of the day :) Who knows.

Feeling closer to my child(ren) every day!

update

2010-04-09T22:21:00.003-04:00

We are still in the paperwork phase.

We’d really hoped to have our first transfer in April, but it looks like it will be sometime in May as the legal end of things is taking longer than we’d hoped.

That just gives us another month to prepare (or at least that's what I keep telling myself!).

not “going Nadya”

2010-04-09T22:12:00.002-04:00

Rest assured we will not be having all 14 embryos transferred at one time.

Why do people ask that? Good NESS!

always with the waiting

2010-04-07T10:50:00.004-04:00

Ok, so, it's CD12 today. For FET, I will have to start Lupron on CD21 (April 16).

We are currently waiting for our attorney to draw up the legal agreements to transfer the embryos into our possession. After everyone has signed off, the embryos will have to be shipped to our lab.

It's not looking good for an April transfer, which I'd really, REALLY hoped for.

But, miracles do happen, so I'm not giving up hope yet!

beyond exciting update

2010-04-01T16:13:00.007-04:00

Once again, our journey to parenthood has changed it's course, and much to our surprise.

Through a very generous, private donation, we are in the process of receiving frozen embryos. This is a VERY exciting development that is beyond our wildest dreams!

So, what this means is, I have been to our good old RE to be checked out to make sure FET (Frozen Embryo Transfer) is a procedure that I can do. And YES I CAN!

Next we have to take legal possession of the embryos. This is the process we are currently in the middle of now: attorneys and paperwork and whatnot.

Once we have legal possession of the embryos, they will be shipped (special delivery of course) to our lab and we can proceed with our first FET cycle.

We are really, reaLLY, REALLY hoping to have our first cycle in April.

The egg donor was 33 years old when the eggs were harvested three years ago. Our RE says this means I have the same chances of getting pregnant as a 33-year-old.

I will be taking Lupron and estrogen to prepare for the FET, when the time comes.

It's a new day, a new journey. I will be a mom!

-----------

N.B. I just noticed the date of this post and NO, this is certainly NOT an April Fool's joke. I would not do that dear reader.

touching email

2010-02-25T21:07:00.001-05:00

I don’t know if you remember me but I met you in the waiting area of the Olive Garden in Williamsburg maybe two years ago? You were very open about your struggle to start a family and I told you about our difficult road to have a child. I was going through my wallet and found the blog address and I wanted to see how things were going for you. I’m sorry that you are still not where you want to be but I admire you so much for how you are dealing with this very difficult and gut wrenching hand that you have been dealt. I wish you the very best in your continued journey.

Made my day. I never imagine anyone admires me.
Thank you for telling me.

i've been called a lot of things, but Mom isn't one of them

2010-02-24T20:23:00.002-05:00

The Mom commercials from P&G during the Olympics are really getting to me. I've been having a bad week anyway.

Saturday we attended a workshop about IVF with donor eggs. Of course there is now way we could afford it, but . . . they were giving away a free donor cycle. We felt like people at a time-share who couldn't afford it, sitting through the hour plus schpeel waiting to find out if we will win a weekend away. It was very interesting. I did learn a lot about IVF with donor eggs, however, we did not win.

In the mean time, I had another iron in the fire. I'd received an email asking for a volunteer who was willing to talk about infertility on The View. I got a return email, and then the call from a producer. We chatted for over an hour while I was sitting in a shoe store. She said she'd call me Monday morning with the details of our flight and hotel. That was Saturday afternoon, after we'd found out we didn't win the free donor egg cycle.

Sunday I thought about all we'd have to do to get ready to fly to NYC on Wednesday afternoon. All the appointments that had to be rescheduled, sleeping arrangements for the 12 paws, geting the ok from our jobs, etc. I'm a planner, I need to know, I had stuff to do to prepare. I did some research on The View as I'm always at work when it's on. I also did some research on the celebrity couple that will be on tomorrow's show:

Thursday, February 25, 2010

Hear the stars of the Style Network's Bill & Giuliana, Giuliana Rancic and her husband Bill Rancic, discuss their infertility struggles. We'll also talk to other infertile men and women.

Bill won The Apprentice a few years back. Giuliana is a producer and together they have a reality show.

We haven't given up on adoption, but man, I wish we could afford IVF with a donor egg! The workshop made me long to be pregnant again, and carry my own child. They spoke about bonding and how it doesn't happen in a specific moment, it happens over time and it's different for everyone. They also mentioned that women have the most eggs while in utero. There is actually a significant decrease in eggs while we are still in utero! This was news to me.

I came away thinking it's a shame that evolution takes so long. Our bodies are still expecting us to carry our offspring in our late teens and early twenties. The next significant decline in eggs happens around age 27, which I didn't learn until I was in my mid 30s. It's just downhill from there, first a slow decline, then just faster and faster.

They showed slides of a young, healthy egg, and an older less healthy egg, how the chromosomes line up in a young egg, and how they are all over the place in an older egg. *sigh*

It was interesting. I learned a lot. And of course something I already knew: I still want to be a mom.

MTV's 16 and Pregnant - Season Two

2010-01-31T20:06:00.004-05:00

MTV asked if I'd post this to my blog, of course I'm happy to oblige and help get the word out.

MTV’S “16 AND PREGNANT” DOCUMENTS THE CHALLENGES OF TEEN PREGNANCY IN SECOND SEASON PREMIERING FEBRUARY 16th AT 10 PM ET/PT

“Teen Mom Finale Special: Check-Up with Dr. Drew”
Airs February 2nd Followed by “Teen Mom: Unseen Moments”
on February 9th, both at 10pm ET/PT

New York, NY – January 25, 2010 – MTV continues to give viewers an inside look at one of the most controversial and thought-provoking topics in a second season of the popular MTV docu-series, “16 and Pregnant.” The new season premieres Tuesday, February 16th at 10pm ET/PT with ten one-hour episodes. Additionally, MTV will air the 90 minute “Teen Mom” finale on Tuesday, January 26th, followed by the “Teen Mom Finale Special: Check-Up with Dr. Drew” on Tuesday, February 2nd and “Teen Mom: Unseen Moments” on Tuesday, February 9th, all at 10pm ET/PT.

With statistics showing that three in ten girls in the U.S. will get pregnant before the age of 20, “16 and Pregnant” looks inside the lives of ten teenagers as they face the challenges that come with being a young parent. For 5-7 months, the series follows these teens as they navigate the unfamiliar territory and uncertainty of being pregnant. MTV captures every moment and reaction in real-time, including several of the births. From a cheerleader expecting twins to a young girl grappling with a potential family adoption, the new season tackles tough issues including strained relationships, balancing school with new responsibilities, gossip, health issues and financial hardships. Cameras continue to follow the teens for a significant amount of time after they gave birth to document how they cope with taking care of their infants while trying to maintain a semblance of their teenage life.

In the “Teen Mom Finale Special: Check-Up with Dr. Drew,” Dr. Drew Pinsky catches up with the cast of “Teen Mom” to reflect on the struggles of their first year of motherhood and reveal what’s happened since. From heartwarming to heartbreaking, Maci, Farrah, Catelynn and Amber, four of the young mothers featured in the first season of “16 and Pregnant,” openly discuss everything from struggles with mental health issues and a potential pregnancy to broken engagements and new proposals. Each young woman’s story will continue to grip viewers of all ages as this 90 minute issue-driven special reflects on the trials these young parents have faced. Also hosted by Dr. Drew, “Teen Mom: Unseen Moments” will bring viewers behind-the-scenes, unseen moments from the first season of “Teen Mom.”

According to the National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy, more than 700,000 teenage girls in the U.S. become pregnant each year. The vast majority of these pregnancies are unintended. Despite the availability of sex education and access to contraception, the United States has the highest rate of teen pregnancy and teen birth in the entire developed world.

The National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy is working with MTV to support "16 and Pregnant." In partnership with MTV, The National Campaign will continue to create viewing guides for each episode so educators, key organizations and individuals can use the show, which will be available rights free for distribution, as a platform to have an honest discussion around sexual health and pregnancy with teens. Additionally, The National Campaign launched an online resource supporting the show at www.stayteen.org to answer viewers' most commonly asked questions surrounding pregnancy and provide young people with the information they need to be fully informed on this topic.

As part of MTV and the Kaiser Family Foundation's It's Your (Sex) Life campaign, viewers can also find resources on how to make responsible decisions about sex, insight into what to do if you think you could be pregnant, are pregnant or had unprotected sex, and information on how to choose and use contraception properly on www.ItsYourSexLife.com.

Online, MTV.com will continue to offer exclusive scenes you didn’t see on-air, sneak peeks, blog updates from the moms, and exclusive original content only available on 16andPregnant.MTV.com and TeenMom.MTV.com, which will feature exclusive post reunion interviews with the entire cast.

“16 and Pregnant” and “Teen Mom” are Executive Produced by Morgan J Freeman. Tony DiSanto is President of Programming for MTV. Dia Sokol is Co-Executive Producer. Liz Gateley and Lauren Dolgen are Executives in charge for MTV. Jessica Zalkind is Executive for MTV. Concept by Lauren Dolgen.

Executive Producer Morgan J. Freeman (MTV's Taking The Stage, Laguna Beach,) made a name for himself as the Sundance award-winning writer/director of Hurricane Streets, a film centered on the trials and tribulations of teenage life. Freeman’s recent film, Just Like the Son, starring Mark Webber, Brendan Sexton III and Rosie Perez, will be released on DVD January 26th.

About Dr. Drew Pinsky:
The most listened to doctor in America, Dr. Drew is the host of the nationally syndicated radio show “Loveline,” where he has taken calls from listeners since 1982. Dr. Drew, who still runs a private practice, is also an internist who is board certified in addiction medicine and is an Assistant Clinical Professor of Psychiatry at the Keck USC School of Medicine. Using media to deliver information, Dr. Drew often appears on television and radio programs to talk about sex, relationships, and addiction. Recently, Dr. Drew teamed up with MTV to help teens and parents get to the root of their problems surrounding the taboo topic of sex in the groundbreaking series, “Sex…with Mom and Dad.” Additionally, Dr. Drew is New York Times best-selling author of The Mirror Effect: How Celebrity Narcissism Is Seducing America.

About The National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy:
The National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy is a private, non-profit, non-partisan organization that seeks to improve the lives and future prospects of children and families. Our specific strategy is to prevent teen pregnancy and unplanned pregnancy so that a higher proportion of babies are born into wanted and welcoming circumstances. The National Campaign supports a combination of responsible behavior by men and women and responsible policies in the public and private sectors. Find out more at www.thenationalcampaign.org or www.stayteen.org.

response from a Haitian orphanage

2010-01-20T16:37:00.000-05:00

We really appreciate all of the people who are interested in helping and adopting the orphaned kids from Haiti.

But here’s what the realities are at the moment:

We don’t know when the Haitian government will be able to begin processing new adoptions.
We don’t know when the Haitian government will be reestablished enough to either reaffirm existing rules or set up new ones.
We don’t know how long and under what situations the orphaned status of the new children being brought to us will be able to be determined.
The newly orphaned children may very well have a biological family who may be looking for them. We cannot send the children out of the country until the families have had a chance to look for them. Right now, that's very difficult because there is no public transportation and very little phone service.
More than likely, the children will have to be declared legally orphaned by the Haitian courts, and that will take some time.
Our immediate goal is to get the children out that have adoptive families already, so we can make room in the orphanage for the new orphans.
If there is a government sponsored foster care plan, it will probably be handled by UNICEF.

There are just too many things that we don’t know. So, until we know more, we can’t accept applications for adoptions. As soon as we are able to accept applications, we will post on our web page, along with the criteria to adopt. You can write to me at that time and I’ll send you the adoption information.

But we do need help in many ways besides for that at the moment. If you would like to help in other ways, please let me know.

something else I've learned and wanted to share

2010-01-20T15:24:00.003-05:00

When you are looking at photolistings of kids in foster care, just because there photo is posted there does not mean that child is available for adoption from foster care.

We've figured out it's like some job postings, they are planning to hire from within, but still must post the job for the public. They already have chosen a family for these kids, but for some reason must post their photolistings.

I check many state's sites regularly, so I see some kids as soon as they are posted, inquire, only to find they have already been placed. I find this very curious.

AND

In our state, Virginia, it is not mandatory to take any classes to complete your home study. So we haven't had classes of any kind, just home visits, fingerprinting, physicals, background check, financial check, CPS check, etc. And in Virginia our home study is good for three years. In some other states, home studies are only good for one year. So we may have problems with the one-year states accepting our three-year home study. Wouldn't you think it would all be more standardized?

So we are hoping to take some foster parenting classes so we can add it to our home study report, kinda like improving our adoption résumé to better our chances.

Also, some states won't consider us because we have no "parenting experience." Hello! We cannot have children. So, if we do foster parent for a while we can add that as parenting experience.

Why oh why does this need to be so complicated. There are children who need a home and we have a home to offer.

God's Littlest Angels

2010-01-20T13:30:00.002-05:00

If you've watched "Adoption Stories" on Discovery Health, chances are you've seen Dixie Bickel at her orphanage in Haiti.

Many people have suggested that we look into adopting from Haiti this past week, but due to the uncertainty that currently rules in Haiti, adoption applications are not being accepted at this time.

I wanted to post a link to Dixie's orphanage, so you can read a first-hand account of what's going on in Haiti.

update

2010-01-20T11:55:00.002-05:00

We started our journey hoping to adopt an abandoned baby from the hospital where my aunt works. Then we looked into private open adoption and found out that it's something “normal” people simply cannot afford.

So, for the past six months or more I have been searching the internet and children who are in foster care and free for adoption (meaning their parent's rights have already been terminated for one reason or another).

Our social worker has suggested we get certified as foster parents for a couple of reasons. This will allow us to get some parenting under our belt and we can add that to our home study. She also stressed that the majority of children who are adopted from foster are adopted by their foster parents.

I'm still wishing someone would just leave a baby in a basket on our doorstep. A girl can dream.

I turn 45 in April and I'm having a lot of stress and anxiety over this fact and the fact that I'm still not a mom, and I don't want people asking me if I'm my child's grandmother!!! And we started trying to get pregnant when I was 34! Who knew!!!

That's my story, and I'm stickin to it!

it's my blog and I'll post if I want to!

2010-01-20T11:53:00.004-05:00

Thank you for all your kind words, support and encouragement. I will continue to blog about our adoption journey and try not to let those commenters get to me!

I am happy to know that I do have loyal readers, and as at the beginning of my blogging, I hope someone can learn something about adoption from our journey.

j

Foster Care Adoption Myths & Misperceptions

2010-01-20T11:44:00.002-05:00

Foster Care Adoption Myths & Misperceptions

This just came to my Facebook page from AdoptUsKids.com, and it's from the Dave Thomas Foundation website. Some of the facts:

Foster care adoption is often at little or no expense. Click here for further information on the costs to adopt.
Children enter the foster care system through no fault of their own, as victims of neglect, abandonment or abuse.
Virtually every valid study has concluded that children of gays and lesbians adjust positively and their families function well with their children’s outcomes comparable to those of heterosexuals.
23 percent of adopted children live with an adoptive parent 55 years or older.

anonymous

2010-01-18T20:40:00.002-05:00

Dear Anonymous,

I received your comment today. This is the first contact I've had from you. I have done as you requested.

j

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Dear Readers,

I am no longer allowing comments from Anonymous. I'm afraid I may no longer allow comments at all and may give up the blog altogether.

j

me, a happy day, a day without thinking

2010-01-18T20:32:00.002-05:00

Have you seen me? This is me. That is my husband in the glasses, and those are our friends Rob and John.

I cannot recall seeing myself happy. I look very happy in this photo. I was very happy.

It was a day.

A day without injecting myself with infertility drugs.
A day without mourning the loss of my three unborn babies.
A day without wondering if I was going to get my period.
A day without combing the internet in search of children to inquire about.
A day without waiting for a phone call from our social worker.
A day without thinking that I'm getting older with each passing day.
A day without wondering if people will ask me if I'm my child's grandma.
A day without wondering if we will ever have children.
A day without wondering why I here.
A day without wondering why I cannot carry a baby full term.
A day without worrying what's wrong with me.
A day without tears.

I haven't had a day like that in ten years.

hoping, waiting, learning

2010-01-12T10:33:00.004-05:00

Ok, so I've learned a few things about adopting from foster care that I want to share.

I've learned that we do not get all the information about the child or children up front. If we are chosen as potential adoptive parents, at that time, we will get full disclosure on the child or children.

So some listings say "all home study approved parents will be considered" or something similar. We've been waiting to hear about a 5 year old boy. I finally contacted his social worker yesterday to see what the status is. They have decided to narrow down their search to adoptive parents who live within three hours of the child's current home. That's us out. I thanked the social worker and said it is very helpful for us to know this type of information because we are always left wondering why we weren't chosen and it's difficult not to take it personally. This beautiful boy is in Idaho so we have no chance.

I guess they cast the wide net and then decide, so the don't rule out the perfect parents who happen to be 3.5 hours away. One the one hand it seems a little unfair, but I can understand and remind myself we do what what's best for the child or children. That said, it's not making the waiting any easier.

Also, just heard from our social worker before Christmas. She said that maybe we should become licensed foster parents because she thinks some states are not considering us as adoptive parents because we aren't licensed foster parents. Hello? That would have been nice to know A YEAR AGO!!!!

After all the adoptions that have taken place, we just continue to be disappointed in our social worker and her lack of knowledge in how the system works. We'd love to change social workers, but that would mean an entirely new home study - back to step one - a more cash.

The process is frustrating to say the least. I hope we find our child/ children soon. My 45 birthday is looming large. I never wanted to be an "old mom," but I guess I'm way passed that now, unless we adopted a 20 year old.

I wish there was a central location for us potential adoptive parents to wait to be chosen. The mommy orphanage. Where the kid's social workers could search for us. There are so so so many kids out there, we just never imagined it would be so difficult for ours to find us :(

2009-12-18T21:38:00.002-05:00

One of the unexpected benefits of this blog has been the support I have received from my readers, especially during difficult times (like now). For that I do thank you. The support has, fortunately, by far outweighed the mean commenters.

So for all your support, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. Many of you have really touched my heart. And at times your comments have made my day.

I don't think I expected this journey to be so difficult. So thank you for your support!

my blog

2009-12-18T21:20:00.003-05:00

So, I've been thinking a lot about this blog lately, and my original purpose for this blog. That was to journal about our adoption experience so our family and friends could follow along.

Well, the best laid plans of mice and men. . .

I can tell you, this blog is not intended to be a profile of us for birthmoms. Though I do know some birthmoms read it and I appreciate their advise and insight.

What this blog has become (I hope) is a record of our journey to adoption. Something that others who are on the same journey or who take the journey in the future can learn from. But. . .

It is also not just that. This blog has become many things. It's not just sharing of information, thought it has long been my belief that if I know 10 things and you know 10 things together we know 20.

I am getting things from this blog that I never expected. I get so much support from my dear readers, it warms me heart. I've decided I cannot let a few mean commenters run me off the road. If they don't like my blog, they don't have to read it. It's that simple.

I have tried to be honest about our journey. Our journey has changed since it started. We survived the home study and I hope others who have it ahead of them find my posts helpful.

We'd so hopped to be able to adopt a newborn, but we were just clueless about the cost associated with adopting a newborn. There has been a lot of learning.

We are now hoping to adopt from foster care, from one of the state's systems.

When we did our home study, we were told it was valid for three years. Our first year will be up on December 24, 2009. I recently found out that some states only consider one year home studies, so that means either we cannot adopt from those states OR we have to renew our home study every year. Good grief. We never imagined it would take us over a year to adopt, especially when we realized we would not be able to adopt a newborn.

We are currently waiting to hear about one little girl, one little boy and two sets of brothers (did I say that before? in a precious post - if so, sorry). I feel a bit piggy when we are inquiring about so many children, but after a year of inquiring, I'd say we've inquired on probably over 60 children. What IS wrong with us? Why doesn't anyone want us? Our social worker says it's because so many people want to adopt children age 5 and under, so there is a big pool of us, and few children in that age range.

So that's the update. We wait. We were told at the start that it could take up to 2 years to adopt, we just never imagined it would.

I keep waiting and hoping.

holidays schmallidays

2009-12-16T22:02:00.004-05:00

I admit it, I'm having a very difficult time.

I miscarried in a December and I had a baby due in December of another year. I'm not currently a fan of December. The holidays are very difficult for me. We had a nice Thanksgiving with friends but our Christmas has been turned inside out, so we are going away.

I dread the holidays. It marks the passing of time. Another Christmas, childless. It's been a year and a half since we started our adoption journey. We were sure we would have been adopted by now. But we continue to wait.

Currently we are waiting to hear about two sets of brothers, one little girl and one little boy. Someone has to want us.

I had email from a friend who has adopted a beautiful boy. She assured me that after we adopt, I won't think of the miscarriages or the missed due dates. I will be able to move passed the tragedies that I currently dwell on.

I don't even like to Christmas shop any more.

Right now, I'd just like to jump ahead a month, which makes me a bit sad because I always loved the holidays.

I try to look ahead to future holidays, when we have a child (or two) and we can celebrate together, as a family.

Dear reader, I wish you and your family happy holidays, I will try not to be away so long again, but there's been nothing to report.

two sides to every coin

2009-11-17T13:57:00.003-05:00

I have tried very hard to understand things from the birth mom's side, or maybe some of you hadn't noticed (obviously by some of the comments that I get and chose to delete rather than post for all to see).

I have become friends with birth moms, just as I am friends with adoptees. I try to understand everyone's point of view.

I cannot imagine what it would be like to make an adoption plan for my child.

I cannot imagine what it would be like to give birth, because I am not able to carry a baby to full term.

I have been getting some ugly comments.

Some of you cannot imagine what it is like to not be able to carry a baby full term. Did you ever think of that? You ask me to think of how difficult it is for the birth mom making an adoption plan for her unborn baby. I do. I have. Have you ever given any thought to what it's like to be a women who is unable to have children? You might want to consider thinking about it.

As in life, if you don't have something nice to say, don't say it at all. I will not post your comment, so kindly keep it to yourself.

My blog is for friends and family and strangers to follow along our journey to adopt. I hope to educate some about adoption as well as learn from kind commenters.

Thank you.

bad news . . . again

2009-11-17T13:53:00.003-05:00

Just found out we were not chosen to parent the baby due December 20. We were really hoping.

Well, we really hope for EVERY child, but particularly this one. The birth mom is in our state.

It is difficult to find the courage to go on, but we will. We want a family more than anything else in the world.

We will find our child/children.

adoption awareness

2009-11-17T09:59:00.002-05:00

just came across this great, informative site about adoption awareness:

ADOPTION AWARENESS

Contact Person:
Professor Cynthia R. Mabry
(202) 806-8067
cmabry@law.howard.edu

HOWARD UNIVERSITY SCHOOL OF LAW
2900 Van Ness Street, NW
Washington, DC 20008

"Welcome to Howard University School of Law’s Adoption Awareness web site! This site is designed to promote adoption of children in the child welfare system in the Washington Metropolitan Area including the District of Columbia, Maryland, and Northern Virginia. The child welfare system was chosen because a majority of the children who are waiting to be adopted are in the public child welfare systems in these states. This site offers general information about the adoption process, adoption laws, local adoption agencies, adoption attorneys, and selected national web sites that provide a wealth of information about children who are available for adoption and the child welfare system..."

waiting, waiting and then, some more waiting

2009-11-16T11:02:00.005-05:00

I'm growing weary of all the waiting. We inquire about a child and wait. And wait. And wait. And then wait some more. And I think "this is it, this is our child." But no, we hear nothing. We just wait.

We are still waiting to hear about the baby who is due December 20. Yes, all my eggs are in that basket. I WANT that baby. The birth mom is in our state. It's a perfect situation and she is looking for someone with 2 big dogs. We have 2 big dogs and Annie the puppy. Should I call her attorney and let him know we adopted Annie? Would that swing things our way?

And then there's A, who's matching meeting is Nov. 19. We are waiting to hear about her too.

The exercise of finding a child to adopt is so much like job hunting. When you find the job you want, you want to stop looking, but what if you don't get offered that job.

I feel like I betray some of the children when we inquire about more.

Then I remind myself, it's not about finding a child for us, it's about finding a home for a child. That is not like job hunting.

So we will wait, and wait, and wait some more.

I cannot believe we've been waiting 10 years to be parents, and one year to adopt. Last year we were sure we'd adopt a child before last Christmas, and here we are, a year later, waiting.

It's been three years since my last miscarriage. I still hold out a tiny hope that the myth about adoption is true, that everyone gets pregnant after they adopt. We would like at least two children. Why does this have to be so hard for us, so difficult.

We have spent so much time and money trying to become parents. Why couldn't it be easy, natural. What are we supposed to be learning from this. Why us. Why me.

I won't give up.

unexpected adoption

2009-11-04T11:42:00.003-05:00

Meet Annie. She is 6 weeks old. A friend of a friend found her wandering out of a corn field and into the road. She is now the newest and youngest member of our pack. The other two four-leggeds aren't sure what to make of her.

We think this is a good learning experience for the entire pack. For the humans, we were up all night last night with a crying Annie. The four-leggeds just don't know what to make of her and the pack has changed. I'm hoping this will help them adjust when we add another two-legged to our pack.

While we CONTINUE to WAIT to adopt, Annie is a bright ray of sunshine in our day (ehem and NIGHT! - we are thinking of it as practice!).

She may be just what we needed to weather the wait.

Transition time in our house :)

-----> November 19 <-----

2009-10-30T10:52:00.009-04:00

This is A, the 4-year-old girl, we are waiting to here about.

November 19 is the date of the "matching conference" for A.

This means they (her social worker and coworkers) will have already narrowed down the candidates to several homestudies. Then they narrow them down again in the "matching conference." Usually during that time they call the social worker to ask additional questions about the family. That's usually done as part of a conference call. Once a couple families have been picked they give the families full disclosure to see if they feel this is a good match for them. Then they pick the best family for the child.

Only the final candidate(s) meets the child. Then they spend some time with the child to make sure it's the right match. Usually an afternoon, then a day, then an over night. We will need to go where A is for a week to 10 days, should we be lucky enough to be chosen as the final candidates.

* Yes, we do find it curious that in this day and age, all they have is a black and white photo of A... hmmmm...

12.14.09 update: A's matching conference has been postponed until sometime in January. A family member may be interested in adopting A. Good news for A!

waiting and more waiting

2009-10-29T16:47:00.002-04:00

We are currently waiting to hear about these 3 sisters. How can you NOT fall in love?

11.4.09 update: we are NOT ELIGIBLE to adopt these sweet sisters because we have no parenting experience! They are looking for a family who has a teenage daughter. ACK!

October 15: Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day

2009-10-15T21:17:00.005-04:00

According to a 2004 National Vital Statistics Report issued by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), in 2000, 15.6% or 1,003,000 of the 6,401,000 pregnancies in the United States ended in either a miscarriage or stillbirth; the CDC also indicates that in 2003 the number of live births in the United States was 4,093,000; of those births, 27,500 ended in the death of an infant under the age of one.

Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day is to promote Support, Education and Awareness for grieving parents nationwide (and worldwide).
Too many families grieve in silence, sometimes never coming to terms with their loss. Our goal is to help others relate to our loss, know what to say, do or not say, not do and to help families live with their loss, not "get over" their loss.

from http://www.october15th.com/

We lost 3 babies. I think of them often.

8,300 visits

2009-10-15T20:14:00.003-04:00

Ok, so when I started this over a year ago, I never imagined I'd STILL be blogging about the process of adoption a year later! Good grief!

This week I've been thinking about taking the bad with the good. We are considering children age 0–5. I've been trying to process this. On the good side, we may not have to go through potty training drama, on the bad side, we could have a child/children who don't wanna call us mom and dad for awhile. I could go on, but I won't. These are just the two I've been pondering as of late.

We inquired about 3 sisters this week. Ages 5, 6 & 7. I asked our social worker (SW) to submit our home study report, as you do. I got email back from her asking how we expected to provide for 3 girls. I was like wha??? How quickly she forgets. A few months ago she called and told us about 3 kids who needed a home, I asked her how she expected us to provide for 3 children. That's when she told us about adopting from social services and that we'd get a stipend for each child until they are 18 as well as help with medical until the adoption was complete.

I reminded SW of this. She was like oh, I'd just come in and I wasn't making the connection. Hello? who did you think I was??? AAARRRRRRGGGGGGG! with a big Peanut's mouth!!!

So this afternoon I hear back from SW that these 3 girls are only available to families who have children and/or experience with adoption. Why would the leave that most important piece of information out of the girl's profile???

I feel sad. People ask me "what about the baby from NY?" "what about the boy from Ohio?" and I can't remember. Sadly, it's similar to applying for jobs: you only hear back from the one's you are being considered for. No news is bad news.

We are just normal people. We live in a smallish house in the country. We don't drive fancy cars. We shop at Old Navy and Trader Joe's. No Starbucks. We have 2 dogs. We just what a family. Why is that SO hard for us?

At dinner overheard a conversation at the table near us, it went something like this: "but she's THIRTY-THREE AND PREGNANT!!! AND they've been trying for SEVEN YEARS! She's just too old..." Yes, I remained seated, no, I did not embarrass my husband.

“adoption as reality series”

2009-09-28T20:25:00.004-04:00

A reality series...it took months to figure out the details.

Adoption Diaries, a new original series on WEtv explores the process behind privately held open adoptions. The series, which premiered September 12, showcases the matching process between the couples and expectant mothers who turn to open adoption.
Each episode follows a different story from the beginning stages, as a birth mother is faced with choosing her baby's future family. Throughout the series Dr. Jennifer Bliss (National Associate Counseling Director and Southern California Branch Co-Director at the Independent Adoption Center) works to match the birthmothers with the right families...

not what i had planned

2009-09-28T19:48:00.007-04:00

Ok, so how old am I now? 44.

I've learned a couple of important things rather late in life:

life is not fair (learn it early)
this is not what i had planned

The first is simple enough. Life is not fair. We should all be taught this from a very young age. When you children say (er whine?) "but it's not fair" please reprogram them to say "life's not fair." because life IS not fair.

Maybe I learned it earlier in life, but it's just now sinking in. We plan to earch our children from an early age that life is not fair.

Ok, on to #2 and this is not what I had planned. At 27, I'd completely given up on ever finding Mr. Right and getting married. I planned to be a single mom and get artificially inseminated someday. (I met my husband in Paris in my 30th year.)

We started trying to get pregnant when I was 34 years old, yes, 10 years ago. This life is so not what I'd planned, not what we'd planned. We thought by now that's we'd have three kids (for the record, I have been pregnant 3 times).

Recently I went to a friend's baby shower. She is 40 and single. She said to me "this is so not what I had planned."

I am in touch with an old boy friend. He found himself divorced and trying to date when he was 36. He said to me "that was so not what I had planned." (He has since remarried and he and his wife adopted a boy from Russia.)

You thought you'd never be married.
You thought you'd never divorce.
You thought you'd have kids.
You thought you'd never have kids.

Life is just never what anyone plans. It's not just me. It's not just my life that isn't going as planned. It's not just my life that isn't fair. No one's life is fair. No one's life is what they'd planned.

Living and learning while we wait to adopt.

book: The Best for You

2009-09-28T12:43:00.007-04:00

Adoption is about love for the child, not that the child was not wanted. This heart warming book is aimed to help children and parents understand what one birth mother was thinking when she decided to adopt. Written in her perspective, she tells her child the reasons why she chose adoption for her baby. A great conversation starter for parents, or companion book for adopted children to discuss with other children, this is a unique journey for any child of any age.

Kelsey Stewart is a first time Author/Illustrator who has a unique perspective into adoption. She has been through two adoptions as a birth mother and hopes that this book will help children and adults everywhere understand why a mother might choose to place her child for adoption. Kelsey has lived a full, productive and happy life since her journey as a mother began and considers herself incredibly blessed. She currently resides in Southern California with her husband and their two sons.

From Infertility to Adoption: Knowing When to Move Forward

2009-09-21T10:51:00.001-04:00

When is the right time to move from infertility to adoption? When do you emotionally feel ready? Will you ever feel ready and must move forward with other ways of creating your forever family! Mardie Caldwell, through her personal experience and over 20 years of working with couples nation-wide, has made it her life's work to bless children needing forever adoptive parents....

from usaadoptions.com

journey to adoption - what i've learned so far

2009-09-12T10:33:00.003-04:00

Our journey to adoption is so not what I expected.

When we began, we had our hearts set on an open, newborn adoption. As the months passed by and nothing was happening, one birthmom looked at our profile, we changed our hearts and our home study to include two siblings between ages 0–5. This would be a foster-adoption. This would mean closed adoption, not really what we wanted.

We've tried to keep our eyes on the prize. We want a child, a family. We still don't know what that means for us. Our path has changed in so many ways, and who knows, we may still end up with an open adoption and a newborn.

Recently, I asked our social worker what is wrong with us. How come no one has chosen us yet. She said it's not us. It has to do with what we are looking for a healthy, Caucasian child, age 0-5. It seems that's what everyone is looking for. It makes me feel bad when we say we want a Caucasian child. But do to where we live, we know that is what is best for the child. We do want what's best for our future child. But it makes me feel so racist, but we are not. I've talked about this with our social worker, and she says we are wise to consider what's best for our child now, rather than later.

I guess a lot of my problem is that with each passing day, I get older and older (I know, so does everyone else). But I'm 44. I'm old enough to be the mother of some of my friends who are also hoping to adopt! My grandma was a grandma at my age! I never wanted to be an old mom, I wanted to be a cool, young mom. Who would pick me? Who will pick me?

I can't help thinking that getting pregnant would solve all our problems. But I know in my heart, that is not going to happen. And yes, people still say "oh, you'll get pregnant as soon as you adopt." I wish. But that just doesn't happen for everyone, contrary to popular belief.

There are many different paths to adoption. None of them easy. Though it does seem to me that the more money you have, the easier it may be to adopt. We are just "normal" people who want a family. Why is it so difficult for us.

Yesterday, our social worker sent me a list of "older" Russian children who need homes. She asked if there were any we were interested in. There was a 4-year-old boy. So I responded that we were interested in him. I asked if they were already in the states. Her response was no, they are in Russia. She knows we cannot afford to go to Russia, or any other country for that matter, to adopt. Our frustration with our social worker continues to escalate. Has she paid no attention to what we've said this past year? She's seen our financial statement? Hello? What the hell was she thinking, dangling these kids in front of us?

We've asked to change social workers within our family services center. We were told point blank NO. If we want to change social workers, we'd have to go some place else and have a new home study - pay for a new home study. This is all very frustrating.

It gives me such a feeling of being out of control. It's our future, our child's future. But our social worker doesn't seem to care. This is where I know having money would help, then one could afford an agency adoption, one where the social worker would actually work to find a child for a family and a family for a child.

We've been working with our social worker for a year and it seems she still doesn't know who we are or what we hope to find.

Ok, I'm getting off course. Our journey to adoption. Not what we expected a year ago when we decided to grow our family by adoption. I guess we were operating under the "Juno principle." We hoped to find a birthmom who wanted to "kick it old style," someone who is looking for a good, loving home for their family, and not looking to make a fortune.

Juno is the fantasy, not reality.

I once had a birthmom tell me "birthmoms hate Juno, adoptive parents love Juno."

Our child is out there. We are not giving up.

Adoption Diaries

2009-09-11T09:34:00.002-04:00

New show premieres Saturday, Sept. 12 at 10p|9c on WE tv

WE tv's new original series, Adoption Diaries, explores the process in which privately held open adoptions take place. The series showcases the matching process between couples who, having struggled with infertility, turn to adoption and the brave, expecting mothers whose difficult and selfless decision to place their children for adoption makes it all possible. Each episode features clients of the Independent Adoption Center, a nationwide nonprofit adoption agency specializing in domestic infant adoptions. The IAC has been a trusted advocate of fully open adoptions for over 25 years. To learn more about the Independent Adoption Center, visit their website at adoptionhelp.org.

My DVR is already set!

PS we still watch “Adoption Stories” every morning on Discovery Health. We've seen some of them at least three times now!

The path to adoption | TheUnion.com

2009-09-08T17:52:00.001-04:00

http://www.theunion.com/article/20090908/NEWS/909079992/1066&ParentProfile=1053

Posted using ShareThis

Julie, Julie & Julia

2009-09-07T11:01:00.002-04:00

Ok, so I've been blogging for a year, with no end in sight. How can I get my blog turned into a book and a movie??? And people sent her all that stuff, no one has sent me anything, then again I'm trying to adopt, not cook. I guess all I could hope for is to find a baby in a basket at our front door.

The Blind Side

2009-09-06T22:38:00.001-04:00

“The Blind Side” depicts the remarkable true story of Michael Oher, a homeless African-American youngster from a broken home, taken in by the Touhys, a well-to-do white family who help him fulfill his potential. At the same time, Oher’s presence in the Touhys’ lives leads them to some insightful self-discoveries of their own. Living in his new environment, the teen faces a completely different set of challenges to overcome. As a football player and student, Oher works hard and, with the help of his coaches and adopted family, becomes an All-American offensive left tackle.

The Blind Side - official trailer

in theaters November 20, 2009

“Julie & Julia” It’s About Way More Than Cooking

2009-09-06T21:42:00.004-04:00

from the fertility advocate

“...And loved how honestly they handled her infertility in the movie - in a beginning scene when she noticed a baby carriage going by - and her devoted husband gently kissed her hand - in acknowledgment of the pain. And then when her sister got pregnant - and she broke down while saying how happy she was for her. What I loved about that was how her husband loved her - and cared for her through her emotion. This was really a love story on so many levels....”

blessed

2009-08-31T11:05:00.003-04:00

EVERY pregnancy is a blessing.

It means someone will be a parent and a family will be born.

Please don't ever forget that.

I wish everyone could know how much of a blessing being pregnant and being able to have a child is. Sadly, some people just don't get that.

There was a time when I was very jealous of other's pregnancies, but now, I am happy to hear of anyone getting pregnant because I know what a true blessing it is.

I consider myself blessed to have been pregnant three times, but not a day goes by that I don't wish I could have carried all three to full-term.

m.i.a.

2009-08-20T23:24:00.002-04:00

No, we haven't adopted yet.

Yes, it's been a year.

I'm just to frustrated to post.

We are unhappy with our social worker, but were told we cannot change. If we went to another family services center, we'd have to start over from scratch.

We are currently waiting to hear on two sets of siblings:

2 boys, ages 2 and 4
a boy and a girl, ages 6 months (well 7 now) and 4 years

I don't know what else to say. F R U S T R A T I O N

dear department of social services,

2009-07-30T12:43:00.002-04:00

Maine: You do your children a great disservice by only updating your waiting children QUARTERLY

Connecticut: Thank you for posting a "last modified" date! This is greatly appreciated by us waiting parents.

to be continued...

2009-07-30T12:39:00.000-04:00

11 months, 1 week & 6 days

need I say more...

2009-07-30T12:32:00.005-04:00

The Adoption Clubhouse is a program of the National Adoption Center, whose mission it is to expand adoption opportunities throughout the United States, particularly for children with special needs and those from minority cultures.
Read More about the National Adoption Center

The Adoption Clubhouse is designed, authored and formatted by adoption professionals who believe...

Adoption is not the end but the beginning of a lifetime of experiences and relationships heightened by the unique aspects of being adopted.

The Adoption Clubhouse is designed with your child's adoption needs in mind. Through the activities and information on this site your child can experience a sense of belonging to a wider adoption community of peers.

The staff of Adoption Clubhouse takes every precaution to insure a safe internet experience for your child but we ask you to be the lead in guiding them when using this and other websites.

To read about the contents of the Adoption Clubhouse, please see our Parents’ Guide for information.

Adoption Clubhouse

2009-07-24T16:37:00.001-04:00

Taking a break this summer?
Plan to jumpstart your family building efforts in September at the
2009 Family Building Conference: Adoption, Infertility Treatment,
Donor and Third Party Options

Saturday, September 12, 2009
Tysons Corner, VA

Looking for a comprehensive overview of your family building options?
Stuck at a decision crossroads and wondering how to get the information necessary to take the next steps?
Want to talk to people just like you who know what you are going through?

Join RESOLVE at our 2009 Family Building Conference and get the answer to these questions and more. Educational sessions include domestic and international adoption, surviving the home study, improving your IVF outcome, donor issues, dealing with grief and loss, getting the support you need from family and friends, and strengthening your marriage during IVF treatment. Hear the personal stories by attending and IVF or adoptive parent panel discussion. Also offered are personal, free, 15 minute appointments with local experts, and an Exhibitors Hall where you can talk to representatives from agencies, clinics and more. Whatever your family building question is, find the answer at the 2009 RESOLVE Family Building Conference.

Register online today!
Thank you to our Sponsors:

Premier Sponsor of all 2009 Programs and Services

GIVF_web

Benefactor Sponsors of all 2009 Programs and Services

The Johns Hopkins Fertility Center
Professional Pharmacy
Prosperity Specialty Pharmacy
Shady Grove Fertility Center

2009-07-17T11:55:00.003-04:00

People ask me. "What about gay adoptions? Interracial? Single Parent?" I say. "Hey fine, as long as it works for the child and the family is responsible." My big stand is this: Every child deserves a home and love. Period.

Dave Thomas
Founder of Wendy's
adopted child

thought for the day

2009-07-17T11:08:00.007-04:00

How do we prepare when we have no idea how old our kids will be?

It's not like being pregnant and expecting a newborn, you know what you're having, you know how to prepare. You can plan.

We cannot buy one single thing. No car seats, no bed or crib, no toys, no clothes, nada.

It's all gonna be a last minute scramble - so that's what I'm trying to prepare for, if that's possible.

I am a planner. I think this is what frustrates me about adoption. I cannot plan.

dear reader

2009-07-16T08:02:00.001-04:00

This is an email I recently sent to family and friends, most of it you already know if you keep up with this blog, but I wanted to include you and also thank you for your support.

Dear family & friends,

Just a note to bring you up-to-date with our adoption journey. It's been nearly a year since we embarked on our journey to build our family through adoption.

We have updated our home study to include up to two children age newborn through five years old. We are really hoping for a sibling group of two, much to our surprise! This type of adoption is through Social Services, and we are considering children from all 50 states. Don't be surprised if you find us on your doorstep looking for a place to crash ;)

By widening the age range, we hope to speed up the adoption process a bit.
We are currently being considered as adoptive parents for three sibling groups. Don't worry, we will let you know when we become parents!

Thank you to those of you who have been helpful and supportive in our journey to build our family. Your support is greatly appreciated.

Take care, and we hope you are enjoying your summer.

Please visit our blog about our journey at http://afamilyisborn3.blogspot.com/

Love, Julie & Chris

a rose by any other name

2009-07-15T21:08:00.003-04:00

Dear reader,

I want to know what you think about names. Specifically, changing the name of an adopted child. I have been pondering this subject for some time now. I go back and fourth. Sometimes I feel like the child has been through enough, who are we to go changing their first name.

Then I think, if they are under a certain age, it may be ok. Like if they cannot spell their name yet, it might be ok.

I've also heard of older children who want to pick a new first name because they associate their given first name with bad things, and their former life.

With some names, it's just a matter of um, well, correcting the spelling, and I don't really see that as a problem, unless of course, the child is old enough to spell their name, then it may be a problem or not an option.

What do you think? I'd like to hear from you.

the kindness of strangers

2009-07-15T19:42:00.003-04:00

I got the SWEETEST email today, I just have to share.

Julie, I don't know if you remember me or not... I've chatted with you on the infertility forums over the years and have emailed you before. I just want you to know, I continue to follow your story and you touch my heart in so many ways. I love that you are documenting your journey to becoming parents and really enjoy reading all of your words of wisdom along the way. I always have my eyes and ears open to children that may need a mommy and daddy and have you in mind lots. Take care and keep the faith... you are going to be an awesome set of parents some day because of your adventure along the way!!!!
AK

A, I want to publicly thank you for writing. It means so much to me that you took the time. I am truly touched. Thanks A, you made my day!

update 7.16.09: I should change the title of this post, A is not really a "stranger," we've have cyber contact for several years, we've just never met in person ;) Ah, the kindness of people I've never met!!! :):):)

whose parents are we?

2009-07-15T12:22:00.008-04:00

We are being considered as adoptive parents for these 2 sets of siblings as well as another set of brothers (whom I do not have a photo of).

The kid's social workers DO have our home study in hand, and as one social worker said "we are in the hat."

It is very nice to have some positive news and know we are being considered, after all the negative news lately. Maybe these are not our kids either, but we will keep searching until we find them!!!

FYI, my friend A and her husband J are also being considered for the two brothers pictured above. So these boys have at least 2 options for great parents!

adoption quotes and more

2009-07-15T08:05:00.003-04:00

Words of wisdom on adoption.

I have been looking for encouraging words on adoption, came across this and wanted to share.

Enjoy.

2009-07-14T16:35:00.004-04:00

If during the course of your own life,
you have saved one life,
it is as if you have saved all humankind.
– Al Kadushin

16 & Pregnant - Episode #6 - on MTV 7.16.09

2009-07-14T13:27:00.003-04:00

Better For My Baby
Catelynn explains to potential adoptive parents why she's adamant on providing her daughter with the life she never had, on the upcoming episode of '16 and Pregnant,' airing Thursday, July 16th at 10 p.m. ET/PT.

Click on the post title to go to MTV's page about 16 & Pregnant to see previews.

adoption language

2009-07-10T12:59:00.002-04:00

Helpful post by Michelle. Check it out.

Adoption Language

2009-07-10T09:41:00.001-04:00

Nothing is as simple as we hope it will be.
- Jim Horning

growing frustration

2009-07-10T09:27:00.002-04:00

Maine updates their website QUARTERLY, so you can see the same kids there after they've been placed, but they will still show as available until the next quarterly update.
Our social worker inquired about 2 sisters in another state, she was told to send our home study, she did. I called to follow-up to be sure our home study was received. The girls case worker told me that due to the fact that the girls have siblings in their state, only families in their state will be considered and that she is THROWING AWAY our home study. Whey didn't she tell our caseworker that when she made the initial inquiry?
Some states post children on their websites even though the children have ALREADY BEEN PLACED.
In some states the children remain on the website as available even thought their case worker has submitted paperwork to have them removed or marked as adopted. Seems many states have a backup with paperwork and cannot keep the children's status up-to-date.
One state told me they could not afford to pay the webmaster to keep their website up-to-date. GOOD GRIEF!

This all makes it very difficult when you are searching for a child or children to adopt. If they are not available for adoption outside their state, that information would be VERY helpful to know up front.

It's looking more and more like if you don't know someone who, or have an "in" it's nearly impossible to adopt.

It should not be this difficult.

how to adopt

2009-07-06T14:56:00.002-04:00

Came across this while searching photolistings, so I thought I'd share. Unfortunately nothing to report on this end, I'm getting calls, but they are to say "already been adopted." So frustrating...

Every adoption experience is as unique as the families, children, and service personnel involved. Common to every adoption, however, are certain steps that lead from first thinking about adoption to finally welcoming a new child (or children!) into your life. The 15 steps listed below--typical for most domestic (adoption of American children by American citizens) special needs adoptions--provide a basic overview of how you may want to approach the adoption process....

for the rest, click here

i fell in love again today

2009-06-26T14:47:00.006-04:00

and I am frustrated BEYOND belief. His case worker is on vacation and no one is handling things while she is gone? really? So this little one is in limbo? I've even tried the state's Department of Social Services and no one there had a clue. I just don't get it. It is terribly frustrating.

I have learned that when we find a child we are interested in, we need to act quickly, email is no longer a quick enough option, phone calls need to be made, but there is no one taking calls on behalf of this sweet boy??? Oh, governmental bureaucratic BS, get out of my way! I'm an expectant mother!

No, you can't always get what you want

2009-06-19T10:37:00.004-04:00

No, you can't always get what you want
You can't always get what you want
You can't always get what you want
And if you try sometime you find
You get what you need...

– The Rolling Stones

can't get it out of my head...

patience heavy sigh

2009-06-18T16:31:00.005-04:00

“Thank you for your interest in [insert name]. The child/children have been matched with a family and we are no longer accepting home studies.”

Support H.R. 213: The Adoption Tax Relief Guarantee Act of 2009

2009-06-18T16:22:00.004-04:00

This bill will prevent the 2001 Adoption Tax Credit from expiring in 2010. This tax credit enables thousands of Americans to grow their families via adoption. Without it many families would not have the financial resources to bring their children home. Please click on the button above to learn how you can help make sure this credit will still be available to adoptive families after 2010.

Read more here.

Introducing Anthony and Michael

2009-06-18T15:01:00.009-04:00

Attention Michigan Parents!

Anthony (Tony) and Michael

I would inquire about these two cuties in a heartbeat but these children need to remain in Michigan in order to facilitate regular contact with siblings and relatives.

Michigan's waiting children: http://www.mare.org/WaitChild.html

Legal Risk Placement

2009-06-18T14:35:00.000-04:00

A foster/adopt term to know:

In a legal risk placement, it is expected that the family will eventually adopt the child, even though the birth parents’ rights have not been fully terminated at the time of placement.

Introducing Dustin, Rodney, Ashley, and Katie

2009-06-18T14:21:00.009-04:00

Dustin, Rodney, Ashley, and Katie

Dearest Reader,

I've decided to post photos of waiting kids on my blog from time to time. We are able to adopt two at the most, so unfortunately we are not the right family for Dustin, Rodney, Ashley and Katie, but maybe you are. Some kids just touch my heart. I will share those kids with you and maybe some families will be born.

Texas Adoption Resource Exchange: http://tare.dfps.state.tx.us/search/SearchMain.jsp

If you click on their name in the post title, it will link you to their page.

Forgive me if some kids are no longer available, I'm sure I won't be able to keep up with that depending on how many children I post.

through 7-year-old eyes

2009-06-17T14:45:00.003-04:00

A 7-year-old friend of mine was searching for kids with me one day last week during my lunch hour.

Like me, he was surprised at the amount of kids without parents.

Like me, he was also surprised at the amount of kids in their late teens waiting for parents. He wondered why kids who are so old would want parents, "why don't they just get in their car and go?" I explained that everyone wants to be part of a family and asked him where would they go for Christmas. This caused him to re-evaluate his original thought. Yes, everyone should have parents.

Like me, he was fascinated by some of the kid's names, as well as the kids who, like him, are 7 years old. We learned that Skyler is a very popular name for both boys and girls. We learned that sometimes we cannot tell from a name if the child is a boy or a girl. He asked if we wanted a boy or a girl. I said we'd like a girl or a boy.

Like me, he cannot wait for us to have kids.

update

2009-06-17T14:28:00.004-04:00

Now that we've widened our search to include children up to age 5, I am learning a lot of new things.

For instance FAS stands for Fetal Alcohol Syndrome. Read more here.
(There are also FASD which is Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorders.) I see it listed both ways.

We are hoping to adopt a child/children who is/are "developmentally on target."

It is our belief that children with special needs deserve a stay at home parent. We also think a special needs child would benefit from parents with parenting experience.

I am surprised, daily, at the number of children available for adoption from the foster care system in this country. I look at their faces and wonder how they've ended up in "the system."

whose mother am I

2009-06-11T12:13:00.000-04:00

post that has been kicking around in my head to be written later...

Two Little Girls: A Memoir of Adoption

2009-06-01T20:21:00.006-04:00

In Chicago, Theresa Reid and her husband had lucrative careers and a beautiful home. What was missing from their lives was children. But they knew in Eastern Europe, there were children who were missing parents-and they set out to find their family. This is Theresa's account of how Natalie and Lana came to be her daughters-a journey that takes readers not only to Moscow and Kiev but into the deepest parts of a mother's heart. Reid addresses the issues that arise for many an adoptive parent- including the guilt over taking children away from their roots, and the slow, stumbling steps toward trust and tenderness that played out between them. For any parent, adoptive or not, this book offers not only a compelling story but valuable insights into the transformative power of loving a child.

Just came across this, anyone read it yet? feel free to comment.

I was Googling 'adopt a healthy child' and came across this post So You Want to Adopt a Healthy Infant. Which caught my attention with the first paragraph

These days, when people say they want to adopt a healthy infant, they receive dirty looks from some in the adoption community. “Why not adopt one of the hundreds of thousands of children waiting in foster care?” people ask. “Why not adopt one of the millions or orphans from around the world?”

If you want to adopt a healthy infant, some insinuate that you’re an adoption traitor. They imply that you should be more altruistic and less selfish than to desire what every parent who gives birth wants: a healthy baby.

See the rest of the post here...

please, call me mom

2009-05-29T14:25:00.003-04:00

Found this in a listing for a waiting child:

“Parental rights will be terminated upon identification of a permanent resource.”

permanent resource? you mean me? parents? mom? dad?

Everyone is SO careful about getting the references correct for a “birth mom who is making an adoption plan....”

I don't like being referred to as a “permanent resource.”

Please, call me mom.

my friend MsBirthmom says:

2009-05-29T12:10:00.003-04:00

“Adoption is about people coming together to form a family. In whatever way possible!”

I love MsBirthmom, she has been so supportive, and feel honored getting to know a birth mom.

stats

2009-05-28T22:10:00.000-04:00

woo hoo!
23 followers and 3,904 visitors!
who knew?

update

2009-05-28T21:51:00.002-04:00

To date, we have inquired about 12 kids ranging in age 1–5.

Two have been adopted already.
Two are not allowed to leave their state.

That leaves eight possibilities.

Our social worker has advised us to find as many children to inquire about as possible, but I don't want to inquire just to inquire. I have to feel something when I see the child's face or read their profile, a connection, something.

Our child is out there, I'm convinced. It will take as long as it takes, and I will continue to have frustrating days.

frustration

2009-05-28T20:19:00.002-04:00

I continue to be frustrated that almost EVERY single child we inquire about has already been adopted.

I know, on the one hand that it is a really great thing: children are being adopted. But on the other hand, I feel like some of these kids are being used as "lost leaders" or "bait and switch" and that is not how photolistings of waiting children should be used.

Is it just because social services are so understaffed they cannot keep up with who has been adopted?

Today I called two local social service departments, 2 different counties. One was very nice and said to call back in three months because they have some kids that will be available for adoption then if things don't work out and their birth parent's rights are terminated. The woman was very kind and helpful.

Just one county away I was told that I need to "use a private adoption agency." Was she having a bad day? I know we all do. But one could be a bit more helpful.

I did learn that not all children have online profiles. So if you are able, you might want to physically go into the office of your area social services (or call first) and ask if you can look through their book of waiting children.

Yes, it continues to be a long and bumpy road.
I hope I can make it less so for others seeking to adopt.

dear department of social services,

2009-05-27T14:33:00.006-04:00

I would greatly appreciate it if you'd include information about a child not being eligible to leave his or her state in their online profile. This would save you and me some time.

I was also sorry to hear that you do not keep your children's profiles up-to-date because you have to pay a webmaster each time you want to make a change. This is most unfortunate for the children.

Also, it would be nice if we could sign up for email alerts when new children become available or when the status of a child changes (for instance some children are not allowed to leave their state, but that can change). This might help the children get adopted faster too! Arizona does this for their children and I think it's great! Thanks Arizona!

Thank you,
J

Heart Gallery

2009-05-27T12:18:00.000-04:00

The Heart Gallery is a national movement inspired by an exhibit created in New Mexico in 2001. As a result of media coverage, over 42 states have created a Heart Gallery and in 2005 the first national Heart Gallery was displayed in Washington, D.C.

A Heart Gallery is an exhibit of portraits. Portraits of children who want to be adopted. Typically photographs are donated by professional photographers who volunteer their time. A Heart Gallery exhibit is distinct because the photographs of the children are done as a portrait of the child’s personality – a more personal feeling than is derived from a typical adoption photo listing.

what ARE we expecting

2009-05-26T16:18:00.005-04:00

I'm getting excited. I feel like we are getting closer and closer to finding our baby/child,/children or they are getting closer to finding us.

I don't know what we are expecting, a boy? a girl? a baby? a child? twins? siblings?! I'm finding it rather exciting, the possibilities.

All those years, I wanted a baby, our baby. Now I know whatever baby/child/children who come into our family will be ours. They will know the same love our biological child would know. We are meant to be a family, and we will be. It's just not happening the way one imagines, the traditional way. The plans for us are different, and I don't mind any more.

We will just keep searching and searching, and hoping our baby/child/children find us!

What ARE we expecting!?!! It will certainly be a surprise, a joyous surprise!

A family WILL be born!

just the facts, ma'am

2009-05-26T12:53:00.004-04:00

About 60% of Americans have a personal connection to adoption. [source ]
Children adopted internationally tend to be younger than children adopted from foster care [source]
Almost 90% of children adopted internationally are less than five years old. [source ]
The majority of those adopted from foster care are more than five years old. [source ]
Almost half of the children adopted internationally are infants. [source ]
2% of the children adopted from foster care are infants. [source ]
It is estimated that 11% to 24% of couples who experience difficulty conceiving or carrying a pregnancy to term pursue adoption. [source ]
The number of American children in foster care rose steadily through most of the 1990s, peaking in 1999 at 567,000, and has declined since then to 510,000 in 2006. [source]
In 2006, nearly half (46%) of all foster children lived in foster family homes with non-relatives. Nearly a quarter (24 percent) lived in family foster homes with relatives-often known as "kinship care." Seventeen percent of foster children lived in group homes or institutions, 3% lived in pre-adoptive families, and the rest lived in other types of facilities. [source]
Almost one-third (31%) of all children who exited foster care in 2006 lived in foster care for less than six months. [source]
Children are placed in foster care because a child protective services worker and a court have determined that it is not safe for the child to remain at home due to a risk of maltreatment, including neglect and physical or sexual abuse. [source]
50-70% of foster children are returned to their biological parents [source: The Complete Adoption Book]

A Family is Born

I have moved (my blog that is)

end of our journey

five holes in my heart

when infertility strikes

anniversary

infertility etiquette

no soliciting!

the power of positive thinking

eleven years

update

ps to today's first update

update

update

update

update

update

this is a marathon, not a sprint

happy thought!

from NYT

mother's day

eleven years

update #372

forever learning on our journey to become parents

update

not “going Nadya”

always with the waiting

beyond exciting update

touching email

i've been called a lot of things, but Mom isn't one of them

Thursday, February 25, 2010

MTV's 16 and Pregnant - Season Two

response from a Haitian orphanage

something else I've learned and wanted to share

God's Littlest Angels

update

it's my blog and I'll post if I want to!

Foster Care Adoption Myths & Misperceptions

anonymous

me, a happy day, a day without thinking

hoping, waiting, learning

my blog

holidays schmallidays

two sides to every coin

bad news . . . again

adoption awareness

waiting, waiting and then, some more waiting

unexpected adoption

-----> November 19 <-----

waiting and more waiting

October 15: Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day

8,300 visits

“adoption as reality series”

not what i had planned

book: The Best for You

From Infertility to Adoption: Knowing When to Move Forward

journey to adoption - what i've learned so far

Adoption Diaries

The path to adoption | TheUnion.com

Julie, Julie & Julia

The Blind Side

“Julie & Julia” It’s About Way More Than Cooking

blessed

m.i.a.

dear department of social services,

thought for the day

dear reader

a rose by any other name

the kindness of strangers

whose parents are we?

adoption quotes and more

16 & Pregnant - Episode #6 - on MTV 7.16.09

adoption language

growing frustration

how to adopt

i fell in love again today

No, you can't always get what you want

patience *heavy sigh*

Support H.R. 213: The Adoption Tax Relief Guarantee Act of 2009

Introducing Anthony and Michael

patience heavy sigh