Monday, April 27, 2009

ah dear internet, the places you take me...

I've started Twittering. I have multiple personalities.

One of me Twitters as someone waiting to adopt. I have met others waiting to adopt as well as a few birth moms. Interesting to say the least.

I've met an 18-year-old. She gave birth last night. The adoptive parents were at the hospital during the birth, I'm not sure if they were in the delivery room or not.

My friend (the birth mom) started sending me messages via Twitter last night from her hospital bed. Once she held her baby, she did not want to let her go, she wanted to keep her.

She asked ME what to do. I found myself in a very awkward position to say the least. For a moment, I felt the weight of the world on my shoulders.

I told her I did not have an answer for her. I told her only she can find the answer in her heart. I told her that her feelings were probably pretty normal for someone who as just given birth. I told her I'm sure her feelings are completely natural.

I asked her to try to look to the future, 2 months from now, 2 years from now, what would be the best for her and her baby. I suggested she try to see beyond her current feelings. She said she would sleep on it and let me know what she decided this morning.

I've not heard from her.

I cried part of the time we were "communicating." I cried for her, her baby and for the potential adoptive parents. They had already held the baby too. I know their hearts will break if the adoption fails.

I cannot put myself in her shoes, no matter how hard I try.

She asked if I hated her because she accidentally got pregnant at 18 and I can't get pregnant. I told her no way! I thought this a typical adolescent question. It did make me laugh a bit.

She graduates from high school in 2 weeks.

We both watch "The Secret Life of the American Teenager."

She pressed me again, begging "please! tell me what to do." I just kept telling her "as much as I'd like to help, I cannot do that." I prayed for her, for her baby and for the perspective adoptive parents.

She told me she wished she'd met me sooner, she would like me to be the adoptive parent. So sweet, so innocent, so young.

This encounter has touched my heart and let me have a brief front row seat to the other side of adoption. For that, I am thankful.

Ah dear internet, what do you have in store for me next...

update #1: She decided to keep her baby. I've wished her all the best.

update #2: her boyfriend/baby daddy proposed, they plan to get married after graduation. Baby is doing well.

update #3: she graduated from high school this week and her baby came home from the hospital. (5.8.09)


Duchess said...

Oh Julie, how heartbreaking. It is so hard that so much pain must precede the growth of our families.

Stephanie said...

OMGosh. What a terrible ordeal for everyone involved. I cannot put myself in her shoes either. I sincerely hope that she has made the right decision for her baby and for herself. I can't imagine what the adoptive family is going through right now. How sad.

Julie said...

an educational experience for all of us

The Vance's said...

Oh my goodness. I can't imagine being asked that question. You handled it really well.

Our bm was 17 when we met. She turned 18 shortly after giving birth.

I can only imagine the heartbreak of the adoptive family. So sad for them.

Anonymous said...

I can't imagine the emotions that the birth mom goes through. it is truly a selfless act they follow through on when it goes through. This is actually why we chose not to do infant adoption. I just would lose my mind if the birth mom backed out. I'd totally lose it.

Becky said...

Wow. What a gut wrenching time you must have had! I cannot imagine having those conversations and being as level headed as you are! That's why I keep you as a friend :)-- you are a true friend to all you meet.

Anonymous said...

I need an update! What did you guys decide to do??