I will say one thing, having to wait 4-5 months has given us plenty of time to think about this and talk about it. And we have. And we still feel this is the right thing for us. We feel so blessed to have such awesome donors.
I personally feel that I am getting everything I could have dreamed of. Two years ago I mourned the loss of ever carrying a pregnancy to full term. I will now be blessed with that opportunity and I still cannot believe it. When we turned to adoption, early on we decided we wanted an open adoption because we wanted our children to know where they came from, after talking to several adult adoptees, we realized and appreciated how important it is for people to know where they came from. So we will be able to give our child(ren) the gift of knowing where they came from.
We have had 4+ months to consider our child(ren)'s family tree that will have FOUR main branches, rather than just two.
I take comfort in knowing we are right where we are supposed to be, and I hope what we have been through over the past 11 years will help us to be the best parents we can be.
I do look forward to the day we meet the donors and their children, though I know I'll be a blubbering fool. I have had contact with the donors through email and text messaging and I find myself saying "thank you" A LOT and it just never seems adequate. How do we ever say thank you and convey our deep appreciation for this incredible gift we've been given.
Ok, I've succeeded in making myself cry now, time to go :)
Unfortunately, we have been told we've missed a July transfer. This has happened because someone dropped the ball and paperwork did not get where it needed to be in time for us to have a July transfer.
This is beyond frustrating for us.
We have done everything in our power to get things done as quickly as possible, but this is not as important to everyone else as it is to us and the donors.
Whether it is adoption or embryo donation, it has been a difficult lesson to learn that this process is not as important to anyone else as it is to us (except, in our case, we are extremely fortunate to have donors who done everything humanly possible to speed up this process. This process is extremely important to them as well).
I wish someone had told us at the start "you can expect the paperwork portion of this process to take 4–6 months" or something like that, but we were told in March that we'd be able to have an April transfer... then a May transfer.... then June...... then July....... and now August......... It's extremely frustrating to be dependent on other people to follow through.
I want to be here for my child(ren). So each month that slips away now means one less month later in life that I will be here for my kids. People keep saying we are closer to having kids than we've ever been before. But that doesn't comfort me. I want to be pregnant NOW so I can be here as far into the future as possible.
It's so frustrating to have your life and your child's life at the mercy of other people. And I know, it is difficult for people who have not walked in our shoes (tried to have a family for the past 11 years) to understand. I wish they could begin to understand how important this is to us.
And all this is assuming the first transfer works. It could be months before a transfer works and we are pregnant. Time is extremely precious . . . to us.
As with the adoption portion of this blog, it's been my hope that others can learn from our journey, and have a feeling for realistic time lines, among other things.
All the t's have been crossed, all the i's dotted. We are now waiting for the final copy of the legal agreement from our attorney.
When we receive that, we send a copy of it to our lab, along with a bunch of other paperwork, a fee for one year of embryo storage and a $900 REFUNDABLE deposit for the dewer (special container) the embryos will be shipped from the west coast to the east coast.
Once our lab is happy they have everything, they will contact the lab on the west coast and make the arrangements to have the embryos shipped!
Our lab director says he hopes we can have a transfer in JULY! Wooo hoooo!!!
One of our current favorite shows is Gavin and Stacy on BBC America.
Funnily enough, in a recent episode the couple found out they have a problem having children, after trying for over a year. Gavin has low sperm count. As they sit with the doctor who is telling them the news, she tells them to "remember, this is a marathon, not a sprint."
I wish someone had told us that 11 years ago (or even 6 years ago when our problem was finally given a name).
This is a marathon, not a sprint.
These will be my words of advice to anyone who wants to have children and is either waiting to adopt or having ART of some sort. This is a marathon, not a sprint. There is no rushing, pace yourself.
This is a marathon, not a sprint. It's what I now tell myself every morning when I get up.
We've been trying to start our family since 2000. We've tried naturally, with infertility drugs, both oral and injections (self-inflicted by Julie) and two IUIs. None successful. We've had three miscarriages, though all pregnancies happened naturally.
We thought our problem was getting pregnant, we didn't realize we'd also have a problem staying pregnant. It seems it's just not meant to be. We spent over eight years on the infertility road.
We have now taken a turn onto the road to domestic adoption. We hope there is a baby, child or children out there somewhere who is/are waiting for us and wants to be part of our family.
A new road opened for us in February 2010. We are now in the process of receiving embryos through a private donation. We look forward to FET (Frozen Embryo Transfer) in the coming months, and hope for a successful pregnancy!
Who knew the road to parenthood would such a long and crazy one for us?
from Labor of the Heart
Your child is waiting for you somewhere. Your job is to find the people who will help you find her or him.
11.18.10 End of IVF journey
11.18.10 FET #2 failed
11.04.10 FET #2
08.12.10 FET #1 failed
07.29.10 FET #1
06.24.10 embryos arrived at our lab
06.10.10 legal agreement finalized
03.25.10 1st RE appointment - all is well!
03.18.10 began legal process for donor embryos
02.25.10 contacted by generous embryo donors
05.14.09 updated home study from newborn to age 0-5 and up to two sibs
01.18.09 profile completed
12.24.08 received finalized Home Study report approval!