Good to Know: A Hard Knock Life, Saved

from the Williamsburg Yorktown Daily

Good to Know: A Hard Knock Life, Saved
Desiree Parker
Posted: Sunday, December 28th, 2008

It stuck with me for years, that 1982 version of “Annie,” the story of a poor girl living in an orphanage in the thirties. This adorable little girl had no parents and no home and no prospect for the future. She sat in windowsills and sang her heart out, and while she scrubbed and toiled away, all she dreamed about was having a family to love her.

This is just the story that came to mind when Nancy Hathaway began talking about the nonprofit she began, Heart For Orphans, which aims to place Ukrainian orphans in loving homes. It began with a nine-year-old orphan girl, too. Her name was Natalie.

When Nancy and her husband decided that they wanted to adopt a child from Ukraine in 2001, they had to board a plane, fly to a country they knew little about, and choose one girl out of a group of over 300 kids. It wasn’t an easy choice.

The orphanage was very much like Annie’s had been in the movie – institutional beds, peeling paint, and sometimes no heat in the winter. Once, the water was cut off long enough for an outbreak of Hepatitis A to begin spreading among the kids. But that’s not the worst part. The worst part comes after ninth grade for most of these children, when they’re turned loose from the orphanage.

Within two years of leaving, 60 percent of the girls will become prostitutes and 70 percent of the boys turn to crime, according to the Heart For Orphans website. Only 27 percent will find work. The odds are as bad as any that Annie faced, but these are real children in the real world.

Nancy brought one of the girls home – Natalie. But the girl had a friend whom she missed terribly, and so Nancy and her family flew back in less than a year and picked up the second nine-year-old, Angelina. Three months later they returned for a 14 year-old.

“I remember the day we left with the oldest girl, Elisabeth. She’d never been on a plane before,” Nancy says. “I saw she was crying, and I asked her why, if she was homesick or scared, and she said, ‘No, I’m so happy.’ So were we.”

Why adopt three older kids who you don’t know who don’t even speak your language? “I’ve just been really blessed in my life,” says Nancy. “I wanted to give back. When you see a need, you say, I want to help – and that’s what we did.”

It wasn’t as easy as it sounds. Not every older orphan is as well-adjusted, happy and healthy as little Annie was. Some face mild to moderate illness or have learning disabilities; some have trouble adjusting to a new life in a new country. Maybe they’ll dislike their new family or resent a sibling. Nancy and her family didn’t know what to expect the first time around.

They knew they wanted to adopt an older child, but they were concerned about what that might mean. “We were worried about health problems, emotional issues,” Nancy remembers. “I was terrified at first. It’s definitely not something to jump into lightly. But the bond of love happened so quickly for us with the girls. They want a family so much. They don’t care who it is. They just want someone to love them.

“We came home and started sharing stories about the orphanage in Berdyansk and the other kids we knew there. One by one, families we talked to started to fly over and adopt kids from the same orphanage. Right now, in Williamsburg, there are about 15 who’ve been adopted. Within about a 50-mile radius, there are probably 50.”

Heart For Orphans officially began about a year and a half ago. One of its main goals is to get older kids from Ukraine adopted, so that they avoid an almost certain “hard knock life.” Since its inception, Nancy’s organization has raised enough money to move toward its second goal, which is to get some of the teenage kids into a group home.

The group home, which will be called “Ruth’s house,” will have house parents who will look after about 12 teens, who will stay for about two years each. House parents will give the kids affection, attention, and moral and spiritual guidance once they leave the orphanage, and they’ll help get the kids ready for adult life.

The organization is in the process of purchasing land, but they’re also trying to raise capital for the home itself. It’s not an easy thing to do in tough economic times, but Nancy is sure that God will find a way to help.

“Institutional life doesn’t give these kids a moral basis to make the right decisions like a family does,” says Nancy. “Once they leave the orphanage, they are naïve and they get swindled, they might live on the streets or become prostitutes. This is why our heart is with these older kids.”

To find out more about Heart For Orphans and to see what you can do to help, visit their website.

Casa de los Babys

If you haven't seen this film by the IFC, I highly suggest it. I own it, and we watched it again tonight. The first time we watched it we weren't considering adoption. I think we found it much more interesting this time. Be sure to watch the special features too!

The film tells the story of six white American women, all but one over thirty, impatiently waiting out their lengthy residency requirements in an unidentified South American country before picking up their adoptive babies.

Read about it on Wikipedia Casa de los Babys

Rent it on Netflix Casa de los Babys

This film is listed under my "relative" films links along with others about adoption, infertility and creative ways to build families.

searching for French or UK adoptions

I came across this while searching for French or UK adoptions, since we met in France and Chris is from England, I figured why not (fyi, neither country has children available for adoption).

from: The Bayou Belles and Their Beau blog...

"I would love to adopt, but honestly, we just can't afford it, which is a shame. I mean, does the government really want to find homes for these children or make money? Even going to another country to adopt would be great, but that can be even more expensive.

"The girls know I want to adopt and always talk about it. And so we did talk about it again at lunch.

"K Belle talked about how she wanted us to adopt a baby from Ireland or France. I think she thinks they are automatically born with those particular accents and speak the languages fluently. I explained to her that the babies would grow up being American just like we are."


This just totally cracked me up. It reminded me of my first visit to Paris and I just thought those children were BRILLIANT because their French was so wonderful, of course I knew it was their native language, but still, it blew me away, so this post just made me giggle!

things i learned at the family center seminar

1. Home studies are now good for three years in the USA, HOWEVER, in some countries, they are only good for one year, so be sure to find out what the rules are for the country you wish to adopt from. The date begins from the date on your first document, i.e. your certified wedding or birth certificate.
   
2. You should only adopt from a "Licensed Child Placement Agency" and you may ask for a copy of their license, otherwise, chances are that the "agency" may be a "baby broker."
3. There are different laws for adopting from every state, and I mean totally different. Some states are easier to adopt from than others.
4. If you are looking to adopt domestically, you should consider getting an 800 (or 866) number to make it easier for a potential birth mother to contact you if she wants to. FCC Toll Free Numbers.
   
5. When you create your profile, you should not include your last name, but you should include your social workers name, your attorney's name, an email address, and a phone number (an 800 number will make it easy for a birth mother to contact you). Be sure to put your contact info on every page in case your pages get separated from the cover, or cover sheet. The attorney suggested placing your profile on parentprofiles.com and contacting any ob/gyns in your area to let them know you are interested in adopting.
   
6. Right now there is a three year wait to adopt from China.
7. There are many different types of adoptions: agency, parental placement, international, open, closed, independent...
8. It can take 8–12 weeks to complete the home study.
9. The home study is the first thing you must do for any adoption.
10. A birthmother likes to see lots of nice photos and a letter to her.
11. There are usually 3 post placement visits after the adoption. This is to be sure everything is going well for the new family.
12. You can research international adoption agencies on the Homeland Security website.
13. It was also recommended that I check the BBB when looking for international adoption agencies.
14. It is legal to advertise in the newspaper (that you are looking to adopt). I was surprised and don't think I could never do it because I'd be too worried about scams, etc. (but all I could think of during the seminar was "Juno" and the PennySaver!)

update

We still haven't decided if we will go with domestic or international adoption. They both have pros and cons. We plan to do our home study for international adoption, which can later be adjusted for domestic adoption.


workshop
This week we are going to a free adoption workshop offered by a family center in Richmond. Mom and dad are going to meet us there. The workshop will cover all aspects of domestic and international adoption including: home studies, various ways to adopt, legal questions and post-placement services.


home study
I am still waiting to hear back from two foundations about our home study. I've narrowed it down to these two foundations simply because they offer the cheapest home studies, however one comes highly recommended from our friend Ashley and his wife Karen. I've contacted both foundations TWICE now and am getting impatient! I want to get things moving!!! Maybe the workshop will give us some good tips for dealing with stuff like this.


international adoption
If we decide to go with an international adoption, we are considering Ukraine. This is the country our friend Sharon worked with for many years. One thing I've learned about adoption from Ukraine is that only one trip is necessary. Many other countries require two trips (for instance Russia requires two trips). The youngest babies can be adopted from Ukraine is 14 months old. I believe this is to encourage adoptions from inside the country first. Adoptions from Ukraine are closed adoptions meaning there is no contact with the birth parents.


domestic adoption
We are still also considering adoption from the hospital where my aunt works in California. One of the drawbacks of this is we have to wait to be chosen by a birth mother, and the birth parents my request an open adoption, meaning we stay in contact with the birth parents, sending photos and having annual visits. We would prefer a closed adoption. One of the benefits of this route is that we could get a newborn baby.

adoption from the Ukraine in a nutshell

Adoption for the Ukraine (borrowed from another blog):

1. Dossier paperwork – gathering things like birth certificates, marriage certificate, etc., and getting them notarized and apostilled.
2. Home study – a social worker interviews us and looks into our ability to parent and provide for a child. There is paperwork gathering here, too, and looking into assets, etc.
3. Immigration – filing fingerprints and money and such with the USCIS (former INS).
4. Sending completed dossier to facilitator in Ukraine for translation.
5. Submission of translated dossier to the State Department on Adoption (SDA), the government body in Kyiv (the capital of Ukraine) that does international adoptions.
6. SDA accepts dossier and issues a travel date.
7. Travel to Kyiv to meet with the SDA and get the referral of a child.
8. The inspector of the child's region and orphanage director give approval for us to visit the child.
9. We travel to the child's city.
10. We get a court date with a judge to be pronounced our child's parents.
11. There is a 10-day wait after pronouncement. (Sometimes this gets waived.)
    
12. Get passport with our child's new name and other paperwork.
13. Travel back to US Embassy in Kyiv for clearance and medical checkup.
14. Fly home.

(Kyiv is the Urkaine spelling for Kiev)


Sharon added that the entire process usually takes about 18 months.

a book by Sharon Liddle

Sharon wrote this story in Spring 2003 during a trip to Ukraine. She had an interesting experience and the word wombat was part of a conversation and seemed unique and appropriate. That was the year Sharon met her daughter Katy. This story is dedicated to the orphanage and the family Sharon traveled with. Her daughter will tell you that it is her life story. It is at the publisher now.

I will let you know when it's available for purchase. Sharon in planning on writing many more books. I've had the honor of seeing a proof of the book and it is beautifully written and illustrated.

Visit Sharon's website: The Elijah Foundation

don't get excited when you see this, she's not ours

This photo is from a trip Sharon took this past March to the Ukraine with a family from Atlanta. They adopted 2 girls: a 3-year old, and this darling 20-month-old. Sharon worked for 6 years as a social worker for an international adoption agency in the Norfolk/Va. Beach area.

We are lucky to have Sharon on our team!

the road to motherhood

Within three days this week, one family member and two friends pointed me towards Russia for adoption.

Who knows where this adventure will lead us, as long as there is a baby to complete our family at the end of the road, I don't care where it takes us!