Friday, October 30, 2009
This is A, the 4-year-old girl, we are waiting to here about.
November 19 is the date of the "matching conference" for A.
This means they (her social worker and coworkers) will have already narrowed down the candidates to several homestudies. Then they narrow them down again in the "matching conference." Usually during that time they call the social worker to ask additional questions about the family. That's usually done as part of a conference call. Once a couple families have been picked they give the families full disclosure to see if they feel this is a good match for them. Then they pick the best family for the child.
Only the final candidate(s) meets the child. Then they spend some time with the child to make sure it's the right match. Usually an afternoon, then a day, then an over night. We will need to go where A is for a week to 10 days, should we be lucky enough to be chosen as the final candidates.
* Yes, we do find it curious that in this day and age, all they have is a black and white photo of A... hmmmm...
12.14.09 update: A's matching conference has been postponed until sometime in January. A family member may be interested in adopting A. Good news for A!
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Thursday, October 15, 2009
According to a 2004 National Vital Statistics Report issued by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), in 2000, 15.6% or 1,003,000 of the 6,401,000 pregnancies in the United States ended in either a miscarriage or stillbirth; the CDC also indicates that in 2003 the number of live births in the United States was 4,093,000; of those births, 27,500 ended in the death of an infant under the age of one.
Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day is to promote Support, Education and Awareness for grieving parents nationwide (and worldwide).
Too many families grieve in silence, sometimes never coming to terms with their loss. Our goal is to help others relate to our loss, know what to say, do or not say, not do and to help families live with their loss, not "get over" their loss.
We lost 3 babies. I think of them often.
This week I've been thinking about taking the bad with the good. We are considering children age 0–5. I've been trying to process this. On the good side, we may not have to go through potty training drama, on the bad side, we could have a child/children who don't wanna call us mom and dad for awhile. I could go on, but I won't. These are just the two I've been pondering as of late.
We inquired about 3 sisters this week. Ages 5, 6 & 7. I asked our social worker (SW) to submit our home study report, as you do. I got email back from her asking how we expected to provide for 3 girls. I was like wha??? How quickly she forgets. A few months ago she called and told us about 3 kids who needed a home, I asked her how she expected us to provide for 3 children. That's when she told us about adopting from social services and that we'd get a stipend for each child until they are 18 as well as help with medical until the adoption was complete.
I reminded SW of this. She was like oh, I'd just come in and I wasn't making the connection. Hello? who did you think I was??? AAARRRRRRGGGGGGG! with a big Peanut's mouth!!!
So this afternoon I hear back from SW that these 3 girls are only available to families who have children and/or experience with adoption. Why would the leave that most important piece of information out of the girl's profile???
I feel sad. People ask me "what about the baby from NY?" "what about the boy from Ohio?" and I can't remember. Sadly, it's similar to applying for jobs: you only hear back from the one's you are being considered for. No news is bad news.
We are just normal people. We live in a smallish house in the country. We don't drive fancy cars. We shop at Old Navy and Trader Joe's. No Starbucks. We have 2 dogs. We just what a family. Why is that SO hard for us?
At dinner overheard a conversation at the table near us, it went something like this: "but she's THIRTY-THREE AND PREGNANT!!! AND they've been trying for SEVEN YEARS! She's just too old..." Yes, I remained seated, no, I did not embarrass my husband.