i fell in love again today

and I am frustrated BEYOND belief. His case worker is on vacation and no one is handling things while she is gone? really? So this little one is in limbo? I've even tried the state's Department of Social Services and no one there had a clue. I just don't get it. It is terribly frustrating.

I have learned that when we find a child we are interested in, we need to act quickly, email is no longer a quick enough option, phone calls need to be made, but there is no one taking calls obn behalf of this sweet boy??? Oh, governmental bureaucratic BS, get out of my way! I'm an expectant mother!

No, you can't always get what you want

No, you can't always get what you want
You can't always get what you want
You can't always get what you want
And if you try sometime you find
You get what you need...

– The Rolling Stones

can't get it out of my head...

patience *heavy sigh*

“Thank you for your interest in [insert name]. The child/children have been matched with a family and we are no longer accepting home studies.”

Support H.R. 213: The Adoption Tax Relief Guarantee Act of 2009

This bill will prevent the 2001 Adoption Tax Credit from expiring in 2010. This tax credit enables thousands of Americans to grow their families via adoption. Without it many families would not have the financial resources to bring their children home. Please click on the button above to learn how you can help make sure this credit will still be available to adoptive families after 2010.

Read more here.

Introducing Anthony and Michael

Attention Michigan Parents!

Anthony (Tony) and Michael

I would inquire about these two cuties in a heartbeat but these children need to remain in Michigan in order to facilitate regular contact with siblings and relatives.

Michigan's waiting children: http://www.mare.org/WaitChild.html

Legal Risk Placement

A foster/adopt term to know:

In a legal risk placement, it is expected that the family will eventually adopt the child, even though the birth parents’ rights have not been fully terminated at the time of placement.

Introducing Dustin, Rodney, Ashley, and Katie

Dustin, Rodney, Ashley, and Katie

Dearest Reader,

I've decided to post photos of waiting kids on my blog from time to time. We are able to adopt two at the most, so unfortunately we are not the right family for Dustin, Rodney, Ashley and Katie, but maybe you are. Some kids just touch my heart. I will share those kids with you and maybe some families will be born.

Texas Adoption Resource Exchange: http://tare.dfps.state.tx.us/search/SearchMain.jsp

If you click on their name in the post title, it will link you to their page.

Forgive me if some kids are no longer available, I'm sure I won't be able to keep up with that depending on how many children I post.

through 7-year-old eyes

A 7-year-old friend of mine was searching for kids with me one day last week during my lunch hour.

Like me, he was surprised at the amount of kids without parents.

Like me, he was also surprised at the amount of kids in their late teens waiting for parents. He wondered why kids who are so old would want parents, "why don't they just get in their car and go?" I explained that everyone wants to be part of a family and asked him where would they go for Christmas. This caused him to re-evaluate his original thought. Yes, everyone should have parents.

Like me, he was fascinated by some of the kid's names, as well as the kids who, like him, are 7 years old. We learned that Skyler is a very popular name for both boys and girls. We learned that sometimes we cannot tell from a name if the child is a boy or a girl. He asked if we wanted a boy or a girl. I said we'd like a girl or a boy.

Like me, he cannot wait for us to have kids.

update

Now that we've widened our search to include children up to age 5, I am learning a lot of new things.

For instance FAS stands for Fetal Alcohol Syndrome. Read more here.
(There are also FASD which is Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorders.) I see it listed both ways.

We are hoping to adopt a child/children who is/are "developmentally on target."

It is our belief that children with special needs deserve a stay at home parent. We also think a special needs child would benefit from parents with parenting experience.

I am surprised, daily, at the number of children available for adoption from the foster care system in this country. I look at their faces and wonder how they've ended up in "the system."

whose mother am I

post that has been kicking around in my head to be written later...

Two Little Girls: A Memoir of Adoption

In Chicago, Theresa Reid and her husband had lucrative careers and a beautiful home. What was missing from their lives was children. But they knew in Eastern Europe, there were children who were missing parents-and they set out to find their family. This is Theresa's account of how Natalie and Lana came to be her daughters-a journey that takes readers not only to Moscow and Kiev but into the deepest parts of a mother's heart. Reid addresses the issues that arise for many an adoptive parent- including the guilt over taking children away from their roots, and the slow, stumbling steps toward trust and tenderness that played out between them. For any parent, adoptive or not, this book offers not only a compelling story but valuable insights into the transformative power of loving a child.

Just came across this, anyone read it yet? feel free to comment.

I was Googling 'adopt a healthy child' and came across this post So You Want to Adopt a Healthy Infant. Which caught my attention with the first paragraph

These days, when people say they want to adopt a healthy infant, they receive dirty looks from some in the adoption community. “Why not adopt one of the hundreds of thousands of children waiting in foster care?” people ask. “Why not adopt one of the millions or orphans from around the world?”

If you want to adopt a healthy infant, some insinuate that you’re an adoption traitor. They imply that you should be more altruistic and less selfish than to desire what every parent who gives birth wants: a healthy baby.

See the rest of the post here...

please, call me mom

Found this in a listing for a waiting child:

“Parental rights will be terminated upon identification of a permanent resource.”

permanent resource? you mean me? parents? mom? dad?

Everyone is SO careful about getting the references correct for a “birth mom who is making an adoption plan....”

I don't like being referred to as a “permanent resource.”

Please, call me mom.

my friend MsBirthmom says:

“Adoption is about people coming together to form a family. In whatever way possible!”

I love MsBirthmom, she has been so supportive, and feel honored getting to know a birth mom.

stats

woo hoo!
23 followers and 3,904 visitors!
who knew?

update

To date, we have inquired about 12 kids ranging in age 1–5.

• Two have been adopted already.
• Two are not allowed to leave their state.

That leaves eight possibilities.

Our social worker has advised us to find as many children to inquire about as possible, but I don't want to inquire just to inquire. I have to feel something when I see the child's face or read their profile, a connection, something.

Our child is out there, I'm convinced. It will take as long as it takes, and I will continue to have frustrating days.

frustration

I continue to be frustrated that almost EVERY single child we inquire about has already been adopted.

I know, on the one hand that it is a really great thing: children are being adopted. But on the other hand, I feel like some of these kids are being used as "lost leaders" or "bait and switch" and that is not how photolistings of waiting children should be used.

Is it just because social services are so understaffed they cannot keep up with who has been adopted?

Today I called two local social service departments, 2 different counties. One was very nice and said to call back in three months because they have some kids that will be available for adoption then if things don't work out and their birth parent's rights are terminated. The woman was very kind and helpful.

Just one county away I was told that I need to "use a private adoption agency." Was she having a bad day? I know we all do. But one could be a bit more helpful.


I did learn that not all children have online profiles. So if you are able, you might want to physically go into the office of your area social services (or call first) and ask if you can look through their book of waiting children.

Yes, it continues to be a long and bumpy road.
I hope I can make it less so for others seeking to adopt.

dear department of social services,

I would greatly appreciate it if you'd include information about a child not being eligible to leave his or her state in their online profile. This would save you and me some time.

I was also sorry to hear that you do not keep your children's profiles up-to-date because you have to pay a webmaster each time you want to make a change. This is most unfortunate for the children.

Also, it would be nice if we could sign up for email alerts when new children become available or when the status of a child changes (for instance some children are not allowed to leave their state, but that can change). This might help the children get adopted faster too! Arizona does this for their children and I think it's great! Thanks Arizona!

Thank you,
J

Heart Gallery

The Heart Gallery is a national movement inspired by an exhibit created in New Mexico in 2001. As a result of media coverage, over 42 states have created a Heart Gallery and in 2005 the first national Heart Gallery was displayed in Washington, D.C.

A Heart Gallery is an exhibit of portraits. Portraits of children who want to be adopted. Typically photographs are donated by professional photographers who volunteer their time. A Heart Gallery exhibit is distinct because the photographs of the children are done as a portrait of the child’s personality – a more personal feeling than is derived from a typical adoption photo listing.

what ARE we expecting

I'm getting excited. I feel like we are getting closer and closer to finding our baby/child,/children or they are getting closer to finding us.

I don't know what we are expecting, a boy? a girl? a baby? a child? twins? siblings?! I'm finding it rather exciting, the possibilities.

All those years, I wanted a baby, our baby. Now I know whatever baby/child/children who come into our family will be ours. They will know the same love our biological child would know. We are meant to be a family, and we will be. It's just not happening the way one imagines, the traditional way. The plans for us are different, and I don't mind any more.

We will just keep searching and searching, and hoping our baby/child/children find us!

What ARE we expecting!?!! It will certainly be a surprise, a joyous surprise!

A family WILL be born!

just the facts, ma'am

• About 60% of Americans have a personal connection to adoption. [source]
• Children adopted internationally tend to be younger than children adopted from foster care [source]
• Almost 90% of children adopted internationally are less than five years old. [source]
• The majority of those adopted from foster care are more than five years old. [source]
• Almost half of the children adopted internationally are infants. [source]
• 2% of the children adopted from foster care are infants. [source]
• It is estimated that 11% to 24% of couples who experience difficulty conceiving or carrying a pregnancy to term pursue adoption. [source]
• The number of American children in foster care rose steadily through most of the 1990s, peaking in 1999 at 567,000, and has declined since then to 510,000 in 2006. [source]
• In 2006, nearly half (46%) of all foster children lived in foster family homes with non-relatives. Nearly a quarter (24 percent) lived in family foster homes with relatives-often known as "kinship care." Seventeen percent of foster children lived in group homes or institutions, 3% lived in pre-adoptive families, and the rest lived in other types of facilities. [source]
• Almost one-third (31%) of all children who exited foster care in 2006 lived in foster care for less than six months. [source]
• Children are placed in foster care because a child protective services worker and a court have determined that it is not safe for the child to remain at home due to a risk of maltreatment, including neglect and physical or sexual abuse. [source]
• 50-70% of foster children are returned to their biological parents [source: The Complete Adoption Book]
  

foster care facts

These foster care facts are interesting, but, sadly, a bit dated.

list of links

I found this list of links of "babies available for adoption."

I know there are different laws in different states, so be sure you follow laws specific to your state.

Adoptive Parents are Expecting Too

Adoptive Parents are Expecting Too

a great post by Parenthood for Me

(I wish I knew how to do that linkback thingy!)

Children in the USA who need homes

Maybe they are looking for me and you!!!


This is a list of sites that list children, in addition to AdoptUsKids.org

I wanna make it easier on you since you are already coming here. Some of the links on ComeUnity.com are no longer working.

If you find a site, you are looking for waiting children, heart galleries, our kids, photolistings, etc. I'm made these links go directly to the photos of the kids or to the search page where you can enter specifics. If you know of something I've left out, by all means, let me know and I'll add it! Hopefully we can find homes for some children and children for some homes!!! If you've been reading my blog long, you'll know it's my philosophy that if I know ten things and you know ten things, together we know twenty! I'm all about sharing the info! I hope this helps someone, anyone :)


Covering multiple states or areas:

• Adoption Exchange (Colorado, Missouri, Nevada, New Mexico, Oklahoma, South Dakota, Utah & Wyoming)
• Children Awaiting Parents (a national nonprofit photolisting)
• Northwest Adoption Exchange (Alaska, Idaho, Oregon & Washington)
• Wednesday's Child (Atlanta, Los Angeles, New York, Washington D.C. & Philiadelphia)
• Wendy's Wonderful Kids - Dave Thomas Foundation
  

By state (if the state is not listed, that state only lists their children on AdoptUsKids.org)

• Arizona (the fanciest photolistings I've ever seen! kudos to Az.!)
  
• Arkansas (there is a beautiful sibling group of 4 here #201, check them out!)
• California Kids Connection
  
• Florida (my favorite here is ZACHARY but he is not able to leave Fl.)
• Georgia
  
• Idaho
  
• Indiana
  
• Iowa (scroll down - you are there)
• Kansas
• Kentucky
• Maine
• Massachusetts
  
• Michigan
  
• Minnesota
  
• Minnesota - Hennipen County
  
• Nebraska
• Nevada - Washoe County
  
• New Mexico
  
• New York
  
• New York City
  
• Ohio
• Pennsylvania *NEW* <---- look A!
• Rhode Island
  
• South Dakota
  
• Texas
  
• Utah
  
• Vermont
• Virginia
  
• West Virginia
  
• Wisconsin (click on "Database of Waiting Kids")

a work in progress...

updated 5.21.09 @ 2:30 p.m. eastern

photoslistings and profiles and faces OH MY!

I want to say "now I know how a birth mom must feel when faced with dozens of profiles to look at." But I cannot possible feel the way a birth mom looking for parents for her child feels. I can feel how overwhelming it is to look at so many photographs.

I am looking for a child, and (hopefully) a birth mom or child is looking for me.

I look thought page after page, and wait to feel that "connection." That when I imagine I know what it's like for a birth mom looking at profiles, looking for that "connection" that certain je ne sais quoi.

Yesterday I found him...
But he is not allowed to leave his state (which is not our state). So instead he will remain in foster care. This is the thing I don't get. Who made these rules? OMG, can you believe that little face? Which also begs the question "what is he doing in foster care in the first place?" which a question I now find myself asking me several times a day.

As far as we know, we are still being considered for these two handsome fellows:
Again, who could let them go? Who could let ANY of them go? I know, I know, drugs, alcohol, blah blah. But it's all just breakin my heart.

Today I found this cutie and I am waiting to hear if she is eligible to leave her state. Again, I fear the answer will be no.


Are you getting the picture? an idea of what I am going through? I WANT THEM ALL! Call me crazy, who hasn't. I just want to love them and hug them and show them what it's like to be in a real loving home where their every need is met, where they won't be scared of anything, where they won't want for anything (except maybe the odd video game).

Waiting, waiting, waiting. I'd think the social workers working on behalf of these children would be working quickly to get these kids in to a stable "forever" home. I don't get that either.

I do have an alternative motive for posting these photos here. Yes, to tug at your heart strings because I cannot adopt them all. But I want you to know there are children out there who need me AND you.

So, dear reader, this former advocate for infertility treatment, is now an advocate for foster-adoption. These are children who's parent's have had their rights terminated. They are available and there are THOUSANDS of them, HUNDREDS of THOUSANDS of them. I encourage you, check them out if you have any, ANY desire at all to adopt. Their faces will touch your heart (unless it's made of stone).

ComeUnity Adoption
This is where I go every day, EVERY DAY, every lunchtime, evenings, 2 a.m.... o f t e n !

There is AdoptUsKids.org BUT not all children are listed there.

I have learned that if there is any mention of "family members" the child probably cannot leave his or her state. Sometimes their profiles state that up front, which is nice, sometimes not.

Children are beeing added to these listings every day. When we started our adoption journey, we had no clue. Notta one. We had our hearts set on a newborn. As I mentioned in a previous post, our hearts have changed.

Our child (or children) are our there, now if they'd just hurry up and find us!!!



update 5.21.09 - also waiting to hear about these two: