Thursday, December 2, 2010

end of our journey

It is with great regret that I write to let you know we had our final FET on Nov. 4 and it failed.

After doing some research, I asked the lab if we could "grow" our 3-day embryos to 5-day embryos to improve our chances. The lab director agreed that this could show who the best/healthiest embryos are.

We thawed all ten remaining embryos. Nine survived.

We "challenged" the nine 3-day embryos to 5 days. Two of them grew to blastocysts and and showed improved quality. One made it to the Morula stage (nearly blastocyst). So we transferred three.

We donated the six remaining embryos to our lab for research, with the blessing of the donors.

I was in a lot of pain during the 2ww. Our RE said that was HOPEFULLY a sign that my uterus was adjusting to the embryos implanting. I dreampt that all three split and I was pregnant with SIX!!!

Friday, Nov. 19 the sever pain landed me in the local ER where they determined I have a hemorrhagic cyst that is about 2.5" big. It is the least life-threatening type, but the most painful. Leave it to me. They think it might have been caused by the Lupron and/or hormones I was on, but there is really no way of knowing.

I was in bed for the next 10 days, but had to return to work on Monday, Nov. 29 due to lack of paid leave. The doctor's aren't sure how long this cyct will last. Yesterday the doctor told me "weeks" but it's already bee WEEKS! I am on pain medication.

Maybe the pain is a blessing, it's kept my mind off the fact that we are now faced with a life without children, something neither of us want.

We are brokenhearted beyond words. How can this be? 11+ years and we end up without any children? Life just seems so incredibly, incredibly unfair.


birthmothertalks said...

I am really really sorry for your loss. I wish you had a much better outcome than to end your journey this way. I can't comprehend what you and your husband are feeling right now. However, I do agree that life just isn't fair.

Hedgetoad said...

so sorry.

KT said...


Foxxy One said...

Julie, my heart is breaking for you. I am so very terribly sorry.

Stephanie said...

Julie, I am so sorry. I wish I had better words, something to make the pain go away!

Stephanie said...

Julie, I am so sorry. I wish I had better words, something to make the pain go away!

themrs said...

There really aren't any words. And sorry doesn't feel like enough.

My heart aches for you. I hope/know you and your DH are able to get through this. You seem like very strong people.

You're in my thoughts and prayers.

DeniseS said...

Sorry to hear that this didn't work out. Sending you hugs and strength as you work through this.