happy thought!

I just remembered!!!

My paternal grandma made me two baby quilts when I was in college! I think they are at my mom's house. I hope they are safe and sound because I'm planning to use them!!!

from NYT

Modern Love
Open Adoption: Not So Simple Math

I WANTED my son to become the kind of person who appreciates the beauty of the world around him, so I smiled when, at 6, he asked to borrow my camera in case he saw “something beautiful.” ...

Click here for the rest of the story.

mother's day

It's a very difficult day for me. It has been for some years now.

Hopefully next year it will be a HUGE celebration in our home!

eleven years

Eleven years is a long time to wait for anything.

Eleven years makes the 2ww seem like CAKE!

I have never worked towards or waited for something for eleven years. I went to college for 6 years, the longest I've been at a job is 7 years . I don't think I've ever even lived in the same house for 11 years. I have, however, been married for almost 14 years :)

The longest gestation period for a mammal is that of the African elephant (Loxodonta africana) with an average of 660 days, and a maximum of 760 days. Dude, I so have you beat.

This time has been kinda surreal. One minute I'm just so overjoyed at the idea of being pregnant, and being a mom, the next moment it seems like a far away dream I may never reach.

I'd given up hope of ever having a baby shower or having the privilege of naming our child. Now I'm almost afraid to let those thing back into my mind. To dream of having a baby shower, of naming our child, of hearing the first words, seeing the first steps.

I talk to the embryos almost daily. What can I say, I'm a nut, if you hadn't figured that out by now... I tell them how long we've been waiting for them, and of all the places we've searched for them. I tell them how much they are loved by so many already. I tell them of their funky family tree that will have many many branches.

I cry and cry. I am overwhelmed.

update #372

The legal process of transferring embryos from the donors to us is proving to be much more complicated than I'd ever imagined. But then our whole journey to be parents has proved to be much more complicated than I'd ever imagined.

I am trying to keep my eye on the prize, but some days are more difficult that others.

The donors continue to be more supportive that I ever could have imagined.

Our RE says this has been one of the most difficult situations he has ever been involved with. Leave it to us to have things be complicated.

There are some meds I that that I cannot take while pregnant so I have been weaning off those, of course with some difficulty.

We began this process in February, and here it is May. We'd hoped for an April transfer, but now May isn't looking good either. Maybe June.

For those of you considering private embryo donation, be sure to ask your attorney what is involved and how long you can expect the legal side of things to take. We never never imagined it would take this long. Our legal agreement is over 12 pages long and contains items we never imagined we'd have to think about. After seeing our RE in March, and talking to our attorney, we assumed it would be taken care of in a matter of weeks, not months. We just has no clue what was involved.

I turned 45 last week. My age is a matter of concern for me because I want to be around for my child(ren) as long as possible, and I'd like to be around to see our grandchildren.

And still, I wonder about the state of adopting from foster in our country. What is wrong with that system that after two years and nearly 100 inquiries, Chris and I were not able to adopt. Why? Why were we never chosen. What will become of the children waiting in foster care.

So much on my mind. I just want a family, yesterday.