One of the unexpected benefits of this blog has been the support I have received from my readers, especially during difficult times (like now). For that I do thank you. The support has, fortunately, by far outweighed the mean commenters.

So for all your support, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. Many of you have really touched my heart. And at times your comments have made my day.

I don't think I expected this journey to be so difficult. So thank you for your support!

my blog

So, I've been thinking a lot about this blog lately, and my original purpose for this blog. That was to journal about our adoption experience so our family and friends could follow along.

Well, the best laid plans of mice and men. . .

I can tell you, this blog is not intended to be a profile of us for birthmoms. Though I do know some birthmoms read it and I appreciate their advise and insight.

What this blog has become (I hope) is a record of our journey to adoption. Something that others who are on the same journey or who take the journey in the future can learn from. But. . .

It is also not just that. This blog has become many things. It's not just sharing of information, thought it has long been my belief that if I know 10 things and you know 10 things together we know 20.

I am getting things from this blog that I never expected. I get so much support from my dear readers, it warms me heart. I've decided I cannot let a few mean commenters run me off the road. If they don't like my blog, they don't have to read it. It's that simple.

I have tried to be honest about our journey. Our journey has changed since it started. We survived the home study and I hope others who have it ahead of them find my posts helpful.

We'd so hopped to be able to adopt a newborn, but we were just clueless about the cost associated with adopting a newborn. There has been a lot of learning.

We are now hoping to adopt from foster care, from one of the state's systems.

When we did our home study, we were told it was valid for three years. Our first year will be up on December 24, 2009. I recently found out that some states only consider one year home studies, so that means either we cannot adopt from those states OR we have to renew our home study every year. Good grief. We never imagined it would take us over a year to adopt, especially when we realized we would not be able to adopt a newborn.

We are currently waiting to hear about one little girl, one little boy and two sets of brothers (did I say that before? in a precious post - if so, sorry). I feel a bit piggy when we are inquiring about so many children, but after a year of inquiring, I'd say we've inquired on probably over 60 children. What IS wrong with us? Why doesn't anyone want us? Our social worker says it's because so many people want to adopt children age 5 and under, so there is a big pool of us, and few children in that age range.

So that's the update. We wait. We were told at the start that it could take up to 2 years to adopt, we just never imagined it would.

I keep waiting and hoping.

holidays schmallidays

I admit it, I'm having a very difficult time.

I miscarried in a December and I had a baby due in December of another year. I'm not currently a fan of December. The holidays are very difficult for me. We had a nice Thanksgiving with friends but our Christmas has been turned inside out, so we are going away.

I dread the holidays. It marks the passing of time. Another Christmas, childless. It's been a year and a half since we started our adoption journey. We were sure we would have been adopted by now. But we continue to wait.

Currently we are waiting to hear about two sets of brothers, one little girl and one little boy. Someone has to want us.

I had email from a friend who has adopted a beautiful boy. She assured me that after we adopt, I won't think of the miscarriages or the missed due dates. I will be able to move passed the tragedies that I currently dwell on.

I don't even like to Christmas shop any more.

Right now, I'd just like to jump ahead a month, which makes me a bit sad because I always loved the holidays.

I try to look ahead to future holidays, when we have a child (or two) and we can celebrate together, as a family.

Dear reader, I wish you and your family happy holidays, I will try not to be away so long again, but there's been nothing to report.