Friday, December 18, 2009

my blog

So, I've been thinking a lot about this blog lately, and my original purpose for this blog. That was to journal about our adoption experience so our family and friends could follow along.

Well, the best laid plans of mice and men. . .

I can tell you, this blog is not intended to be a profile of us for birthmoms. Though I do know some birthmoms read it and I appreciate their advise and insight.

What this blog has become (I hope) is a record of our journey to adoption. Something that others who are on the same journey or who take the journey in the future can learn from. But. . .

It is also not just that. This blog has become many things. It's not just sharing of information, thought it has long been my belief that if I know 10 things and you know 10 things together we know 20.

I am getting things from this blog that I never expected. I get so much support from my dear readers, it warms me heart. I've decided I cannot let a few mean commenters run me off the road. If they don't like my blog, they don't have to read it. It's that simple.

I have tried to be honest about our journey. Our journey has changed since it started. We survived the home study and I hope others who have it ahead of them find my posts helpful.

We'd so hopped to be able to adopt a newborn, but we were just clueless about the cost associated with adopting a newborn. There has been a lot of learning.

We are now hoping to adopt from foster care, from one of the state's systems.

When we did our home study, we were told it was valid for three years. Our first year will be up on December 24, 2009. I recently found out that some states only consider one year home studies, so that means either we cannot adopt from those states OR we have to renew our home study every year. Good grief. We never imagined it would take us over a year to adopt, especially when we realized we would not be able to adopt a newborn.

We are currently waiting to hear about one little girl, one little boy and two sets of brothers (did I say that before? in a precious post - if so, sorry). I feel a bit piggy when we are inquiring about so many children, but after a year of inquiring, I'd say we've inquired on probably over 60 children. What IS wrong with us? Why doesn't anyone want us? Our social worker says it's because so many people want to adopt children age 5 and under, so there is a big pool of us, and few children in that age range.

So that's the update. We wait. We were told at the start that it could take up to 2 years to adopt, we just never imagined it would.

I keep waiting and hoping.


Anonymous said...

I would renew your home study. Keep it open for all states.

I know what you mean. Josh and I were naive at first and thought for sure the first child we'd find in foster care we wanted to adopt would be ours. Ha. If only it worked that way....

birthmothertalks said...

Years ago, I hated all people who wanted to adopt. I just felt terrible things. I thought one couple took advantage of me and treated me badly and they are all same. My anger lessened over the years and blogging has really helped, because the amount of support that came from adoptive couples ore waiting couples was just amazing.
also, the love that they showed for their children gave me a little better understanding on somethings. On my good days, I am able to say I was a victim of the 90's thats how most people did adoption (closed) and they were uneducated. Just like you I am amazed at the support that I have received from blogging my story.

Sally Bacchetta said...

I just found your blog, and I want to tell you something profound and inspiring about adoption waiting, but frankly, I don't know anything profound or inspiring to say. While my husband and I were "waiting" many, many people said things that I know were meant to cheer, encourage, and console us, and I now I'm able to appreciate their efforts. But nothing anyone said was able to reach or relieve my deepest pain. It was too vast, too personal, too much a part of my every waking moment. Every thing I saw, heard, touched, smelled was tainted by my private agony. I secretly simmered in some very ugly feelings - envy and petty jealousy - and obsessed about how on earth we managed to be categorically unworthy to the birth mothers who read our profile and, in some cases, even met us.

But the truth is, we weren't unworthy. And neither are you. It just wasn't our time until it was our time. And it isn't yours until it is.

I won't insult you by trying to make you feel better. I just wanted you to know that I, a complete stranger to you, am not at all a stranger to your pain.

Here's to 2010!