Monday, January 18, 2010

me, a happy day, a day without thinking

Have you seen me? This is me. That is my husband in the glasses, and those are our friends Rob and John.

I cannot recall seeing myself happy. I look very happy in this photo. I was very happy.

It was a day.

A day without injecting myself with infertility drugs.
A day without mourning the loss of my three unborn babies.
A day without wondering if I was going to get my period.
A day without combing the internet in search of children to inquire about.
A day without waiting for a phone call from our social worker.
A day without thinking that I'm getting older with each passing day.
A day without wondering if people will ask me if I'm my child's grandma.
A day without wondering if we will ever have children.
A day without wondering why I here.
A day without wondering why I cannot carry a baby full term.
A day without worrying what's wrong with me.
A day without tears.

I haven't had a day like that in ten years.


Margaret said...

I'm praying that you have a day like this again soon

KT said...

I often think too, when was the last time I was really happy? It is hard to let go all of the stress/anxiety/saddness that accompanies this journey.

I do hope that you continue to blog; I do enjoy reading. I know of a few people that have gone private to 'invited readers' only.

Onward...To better days ahead!