Tuesday, January 12, 2010

hoping, waiting, learning

Ok, so I've learned a few things about adopting from foster care that I want to share.

I've learned that we do not get all the information about the child or children up front. If we are chosen as potential adoptive parents, at that time, we will get full disclosure on the child or children.

So some listings say "all home study approved parents will be considered" or something similar. We've been waiting to hear about a 5 year old boy. I finally contacted his social worker yesterday to see what the status is. They have decided to narrow down their search to adoptive parents who live within three hours of the child's current home. That's us out. I thanked the social worker and said it is very helpful for us to know this type of information because we are always left wondering why we weren't chosen and it's difficult not to take it personally. This beautiful boy is in Idaho so we have no chance.

I guess they cast the wide net and then decide, so the don't rule out the perfect parents who happen to be 3.5 hours away. One the one hand it seems a little unfair, but I can understand and remind myself we do what what's best for the child or children. That said, it's not making the waiting any easier.

Also, just heard from our social worker before Christmas. She said that maybe we should become licensed foster parents because she thinks some states are not considering us as adoptive parents because we aren't licensed foster parents. Hello? That would have been nice to know A YEAR AGO!!!!

After all the adoptions that have taken place, we just continue to be disappointed in our social worker and her lack of knowledge in how the system works. We'd love to change social workers, but that would mean an entirely new home study - back to step one - a more cash.

The process is frustrating to say the least. I hope we find our child/ children soon. My 45 birthday is looming large. I never wanted to be an "old mom," but I guess I'm way passed that now, unless we adopted a 20 year old.

I wish there was a central location for us potential adoptive parents to wait to be chosen. The mommy orphanage. Where the kid's social workers could search for us. There are so so so many kids out there, we just never imagined it would be so difficult for ours to find us :(


snickie said...

Sorry you are having such a hard time. It will happen. I must sazy though that I am absolutely SHOCKED that you aren't already licensed foster parents if you are looking through foster care to adopt. But then it shouldn't surprise me. We dealt with several caseworkers when we adopted our girls, about 20 in all. There were only 4 of them that I could say were good caseworkers, and of those only one that went above and beyond to help get our daughters home to us. I hope you are matched soon.

Stephanie said...

It sounds so very frustrating. I have to say that I was expecting you to be chosen right away. It frustrates me just listening to the process and the drama you have already been thru. A mommy orphanage sounds like a great idea! I wish it were that way!

Misty said...

Hi! I stumbled onto you blog when looking for adoption quotes for an orientation slide show for work. I am an adoption case worker in Tampa.

I'm not sure what kind of kids you are looking for, but wanted to make you aware of our kids. Most of our available kids are on the Heart Gallery of Tampa Bay website or the Adopt US kids website.

One of my favorite quotes is "There are no unwanted children, just unfound families". It sounds like you are an unfound family looking for your child(ren).

If there is anything I can help you with please feel free to contact. My work email is misty.hubbard@hillsboroughkids.org or phone (813)210-4268

Misty Hubbard, MSW