happy thought!

I just remembered!!!

My paternal grandma made me two baby quilts when I was in college! I think they are at my mom's house. I hope they are safe and sound because I'm planning to use them!!!

from NYT

Modern Love
Open Adoption: Not So Simple Math

I WANTED my son to become the kind of person who appreciates the beauty of the world around him, so I smiled when, at 6, he asked to borrow my camera in case he saw “something beautiful.” ...

Click here for the rest of the story.

mother's day

It's a very difficult day for me. It has been for some years now.

Hopefully next year it will be a HUGE celebration in our home!

eleven years

Eleven years is a long time to wait for anything.

Eleven years makes the 2ww seem like CAKE!

I have never worked towards or waited for something for eleven years. I went to college for 6 years, the longest I've been at a job is 7 years . I don't think I've ever even lived in the same house for 11 years. I have, however, been married for almost 14 years :)

The longest gestation period for a mammal is that of the African elephant (Loxodonta africana) with an average of 660 days, and a maximum of 760 days. Dude, I so have you beat.

This time has been kinda surreal. One minute I'm just so overjoyed at the idea of being pregnant, and being a mom, the next moment it seems like a far away dream I may never reach.

I'd given up hope of ever having a baby shower or having the privilege of naming our child. Now I'm almost afraid to let those thing back into my mind. To dream of having a baby shower, of naming our child, of hearing the first words, seeing the first steps.

I talk to the embryos almost daily. What can I say, I'm a nut, if you hadn't figured that out by now... I tell them how long we've been waiting for them, and of all the places we've searched for them. I tell them how much they are loved by so many already. I tell them of their funky family tree that will have many many branches.

I cry and cry. I am overwhelmed.

update #372

The legal process of transferring embryos from the donors to us is proving to be much more complicated than I'd ever imagined. But then our whole journey to be parents has proved to be much more complicated than I'd ever imagined.

I am trying to keep my eye on the prize, but some days are more difficult that others.

The donors continue to be more supportive that I ever could have imagined.

Our RE says this has been one of the most difficult situations he has ever been involved with. Leave it to us to have things be complicated.

There are some meds I that that I cannot take while pregnant so I have been weaning off those, of course with some difficulty.

We began this process in February, and here it is May. We'd hoped for an April transfer, but now May isn't looking good either. Maybe June.

For those of you considering private embryo donation, be sure to ask your attorney what is involved and how long you can expect the legal side of things to take. We never never imagined it would take this long. Our legal agreement is over 12 pages long and contains items we never imagined we'd have to think about. After seeing our RE in March, and talking to our attorney, we assumed it would be taken care of in a matter of weeks, not months. We just has no clue what was involved.

I turned 45 last week. My age is a matter of concern for me because I want to be around for my child(ren) as long as possible, and I'd like to be around to see our grandchildren.

And still, I wonder about the state of adopting from foster in our country. What is wrong with that system that after two years and nearly 100 inquiries, Chris and I were not able to adopt. Why? Why were we never chosen. What will become of the children waiting in foster care.

So much on my mind. I just want a family, yesterday.

forever learning on our journey to become parents

The waiting continues. Our attorney went on spring break so it took longer for her to draft the agreement and there are still a few blanks to be filled in.

Little did we know we would be faced with questions such as who will get the embryos should my husband and I get a divorce. Not really something we'd given any thought to before now.

In addition to our legal agreement with the donors, we also have a legal agreement with the lab where the embryos will be kept.

Who knew?

Nothing about our journey has been easy, yet I'm still surprised when something takes longer, doesn't happen when I think it should, etc.

One of my friends is really concerned about me being pregnant at my age. I tried to explain that a large part of the risk of being pregnant at my age has to do with the old age of the eggs. I am not getting pregnant with my old eggs, I am getting pregnant with 33-year-old eggs that have already been screened before they were fertilized. Therefore, a lot of the risk has been removed. Yes, there is still some risk when one is of "advanced maternal age," but it is significantly lower when using donor embryo created with the eggs of a 33-year-old woman.

I have been on prenatal vitamins for 11 years now, so I'm well prepared in that respect! And I've been caffeine-free for ages now in preparation for pregnancy.

We have a crib from a family member ready. We will be the third family within our family to use it, and we are very excited about that!

And yes, we do realize how very, very, VERY lucky and blessed we are to have these donors in our lives now and forever. They have already become like family to us. It's so much more than I ever dared dream for. I still pinch myself on a daily basis. I hope my body will come through for all of us and carry a baby (babies?) full term, but, no pressure.

As with the adoption leg of our journey, I am sharing this with you, dear reader, in hopes that you will learn something from our journey. Maybe someone reading this will decide to donate their embryos to another couple unable to have children. Maybe this will simply cause you to walk around with a big fat smile on your face for the rest of the day :) Who knows.

Feeling closer to my child(ren) every day!

update

We are still in the paperwork phase.

We’d really hoped to have our first transfer in April, but it looks like it will be sometime in May as the legal end of things is taking longer than we’d hoped.

That just gives us another month to prepare (or at least that's what I keep telling myself!).

not “going Nadya”

Rest assured we will not be having all 14 embryos transferred at one time.

Why do people ask that? Good NESS!

always with the waiting

Ok, so, it's CD12 today. For FET, I will have to start Lupron on CD21 (April 16).

We are currently waiting for our attorney to draw up the legal agreements to transfer the embryos into our possession. After everyone has signed off, the embryos will have to be shipped to our lab.

It's not looking good for an April transfer, which I'd really, REALLY hoped for.

But, miracles do happen, so I'm not giving up hope yet!

beyond exciting update

Once again, our journey to parenthood has changed it's course, and much to our surprise.

Through a very generous, private donation, we are in the process of receiving frozen embryos. This is a VERY exciting development that is beyond our wildest dreams!

So, what this means is, I have been to our good old RE to be checked out to make sure FET (Frozen Embryo Transfer) is a procedure that I can do. And YES I CAN!

Next we have to take legal possession of the embryos. This is the process we are currently in the middle of now: attorneys and paperwork and whatnot.

Once we have legal possession of the embryos, they will be shipped (special delivery of course) to our lab and we can proceed with our first FET cycle.

We are really, reaLLY, REALLY hoping to have our first cycle in April.

The egg donor was 33 years old when the eggs were harvested three years ago. Our RE says this means I have the same chances of getting pregnant as a 33-year-old.

I will be taking Lupron and estrogen to prepare for the FET, when the time comes.

It's a new day, a new journey. I will be a mom!

-----------

N.B. I just noticed the date of this post and NO, this is certainly NOT an April Fool's joke. I would not do that dear reader.

touching email

I don’t know if you remember me but I met you in the waiting area of the Olive Garden in Williamsburg maybe two years ago? You were very open about your struggle to start a family and I told you about our difficult road to have a child. I was going through my wallet and found the blog address and I wanted to see how things were going for you. I’m sorry that you are still not where you want to be but I admire you so much for how you are dealing with this very difficult and gut wrenching hand that you have been dealt. I wish you the very best in your continued journey.

Made my day. I never imagine anyone admires me.
Thank you for telling me.

i've been called a lot of things, but Mom isn't one of them

The Mom commercials from P&G during the Olympics are really getting to me. I've been having a bad week anyway.

Saturday we attended a workshop about IVF with donor eggs. Of course there is now way we could afford it, but . . . they were giving away a free donor cycle. We felt like people at a time-share who couldn't afford it, sitting through the hour plus schpeel waiting to find out if we will win a weekend away. It was very interesting. I did learn a lot about IVF with donor eggs, however, we did not win.

In the mean time, I had another iron in the fire. I'd received an email asking for a volunteer who was willing to talk about infertility on The View. I got a return email, and then the call from a producer. We chatted for over an hour while I was sitting in a shoe store. She said she'd call me Monday morning with the details of our flight and hotel. That was Saturday afternoon, after we'd found out we didn't win the free donor egg cycle.

Sunday I thought about all we'd have to do to get ready to fly to NYC on Wednesday afternoon. All the appointments that had to be rescheduled, sleeping arrangements for the 12 paws, geting the ok from our jobs, etc. I'm a planner, I need to know, I had stuff to do to prepare. I did some research on The View as I'm always at work when it's on. I also did some research on the celebrity couple that will be on tomorrow's show:

Thursday, February 25, 2010

Hear the stars of the Style Network's Bill & Giuliana, Giuliana Rancic and her husband Bill Rancic, discuss their infertility struggles. We'll also talk to other infertile men and women.

Bill won The Apprentice a few years back. Giuliana is a producer and together they have a reality show.

We haven't given up on adoption, but man, I wish we could afford IVF with a donor egg! The workshop made me long to be pregnant again, and carry my own child. They spoke about bonding and how it doesn't happen in a specific moment, it happens over time and it's different for everyone. They also mentioned that women have the most eggs while in utero. There is actually a significant decrease in eggs while we are still in utero! This was news to me.

I came away thinking it's a shame that evolution takes so long. Our bodies are still expecting us to carry our offspring in our late teens and early twenties. The next significant decline in eggs happens around age 27, which I didn't learn until I was in my mid 30s. It's just downhill from there, first a slow decline, then just faster and faster.

They showed slides of a young, healthy egg, and an older less healthy egg, how the chromosomes line up in a young egg, and how they are all over the place in an older egg. *sigh*

It was interesting. I learned a lot. And of course something I already knew: I still want to be a mom.

MTV's 16 and Pregnant - Season Two

MTV asked if I'd post this to my blog, of course I'm happy to oblige and help get the word out.

MTV’S “16 AND PREGNANT” DOCUMENTS THE CHALLENGES OF TEEN PREGNANCY IN SECOND SEASON PREMIERING FEBRUARY 16th AT 10 PM ET/PT

“Teen Mom Finale Special: Check-Up with Dr. Drew”
Airs February 2nd Followed by “Teen Mom: Unseen Moments”
on February 9th, both at 10pm ET/PT

New York, NY – January 25, 2010 – MTV continues to give viewers an inside look at one of the most controversial and thought-provoking topics in a second season of the popular MTV docu-series, “16 and Pregnant.” The new season premieres Tuesday, February 16th at 10pm ET/PT with ten one-hour episodes. Additionally, MTV will air the 90 minute “Teen Mom” finale on Tuesday, January 26th, followed by the “Teen Mom Finale Special: Check-Up with Dr. Drew” on Tuesday, February 2nd and “Teen Mom: Unseen Moments” on Tuesday, February 9th, all at 10pm ET/PT.

With statistics showing that three in ten girls in the U.S. will get pregnant before the age of 20, “16 and Pregnant” looks inside the lives of ten teenagers as they face the challenges that come with being a young parent. For 5-7 months, the series follows these teens as they navigate the unfamiliar territory and uncertainty of being pregnant. MTV captures every moment and reaction in real-time, including several of the births. From a cheerleader expecting twins to a young girl grappling with a potential family adoption, the new season tackles tough issues including strained relationships, balancing school with new responsibilities, gossip, health issues and financial hardships. Cameras continue to follow the teens for a significant amount of time after they gave birth to document how they cope with taking care of their infants while trying to maintain a semblance of their teenage life.

In the “Teen Mom Finale Special: Check-Up with Dr. Drew,” Dr. Drew Pinsky catches up with the cast of “Teen Mom” to reflect on the struggles of their first year of motherhood and reveal what’s happened since. From heartwarming to heartbreaking, Maci, Farrah, Catelynn and Amber, four of the young mothers featured in the first season of “16 and Pregnant,” openly discuss everything from struggles with mental health issues and a potential pregnancy to broken engagements and new proposals. Each young woman’s story will continue to grip viewers of all ages as this 90 minute issue-driven special reflects on the trials these young parents have faced. Also hosted by Dr. Drew, “Teen Mom: Unseen Moments” will bring viewers behind-the-scenes, unseen moments from the first season of “Teen Mom.”

According to the National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy, more than 700,000 teenage girls in the U.S. become pregnant each year. The vast majority of these pregnancies are unintended. Despite the availability of sex education and access to contraception, the United States has the highest rate of teen pregnancy and teen birth in the entire developed world.

The National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy is working with MTV to support "16 and Pregnant." In partnership with MTV, The National Campaign will continue to create viewing guides for each episode so educators, key organizations and individuals can use the show, which will be available rights free for distribution, as a platform to have an honest discussion around sexual health and pregnancy with teens. Additionally, The National Campaign launched an online resource supporting the show at www.stayteen.org to answer viewers' most commonly asked questions surrounding pregnancy and provide young people with the information they need to be fully informed on this topic.

As part of MTV and the Kaiser Family Foundation's It's Your (Sex) Life campaign, viewers can also find resources on how to make responsible decisions about sex, insight into what to do if you think you could be pregnant, are pregnant or had unprotected sex, and information on how to choose and use contraception properly on www.ItsYourSexLife.com.

Online, MTV.com will continue to offer exclusive scenes you didn’t see on-air, sneak peeks, blog updates from the moms, and exclusive original content only available on 16andPregnant.MTV.com and TeenMom.MTV.com, which will feature exclusive post reunion interviews with the entire cast.

“16 and Pregnant” and “Teen Mom” are Executive Produced by Morgan J Freeman. Tony DiSanto is President of Programming for MTV. Dia Sokol is Co-Executive Producer. Liz Gateley and Lauren Dolgen are Executives in charge for MTV. Jessica Zalkind is Executive for MTV. Concept by Lauren Dolgen.

Executive Producer Morgan J. Freeman (MTV's Taking The Stage, Laguna Beach,) made a name for himself as the Sundance award-winning writer/director of Hurricane Streets, a film centered on the trials and tribulations of teenage life. Freeman’s recent film, Just Like the Son, starring Mark Webber, Brendan Sexton III and Rosie Perez, will be released on DVD January 26th.

About Dr. Drew Pinsky:
The most listened to doctor in America, Dr. Drew is the host of the nationally syndicated radio show “Loveline,” where he has taken calls from listeners since 1982. Dr. Drew, who still runs a private practice, is also an internist who is board certified in addiction medicine and is an Assistant Clinical Professor of Psychiatry at the Keck USC School of Medicine. Using media to deliver information, Dr. Drew often appears on television and radio programs to talk about sex, relationships, and addiction. Recently, Dr. Drew teamed up with MTV to help teens and parents get to the root of their problems surrounding the taboo topic of sex in the groundbreaking series, “Sex…with Mom and Dad.” Additionally, Dr. Drew is New York Times best-selling author of The Mirror Effect: How Celebrity Narcissism Is Seducing America.

About The National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy:
The National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy is a private, non-profit, non-partisan organization that seeks to improve the lives and future prospects of children and families. Our specific strategy is to prevent teen pregnancy and unplanned pregnancy so that a higher proportion of babies are born into wanted and welcoming circumstances. The National Campaign supports a combination of responsible behavior by men and women and responsible policies in the public and private sectors. Find out more at www.thenationalcampaign.org or www.stayteen.org.

response from a Haitian orphanage

We really appreciate all of the people who are interested in helping and adopting the orphaned kids from Haiti.

But here’s what the realities are at the moment:

• We don’t know when the Haitian government will be able to begin processing new adoptions.
• We don’t know when the Haitian government will be reestablished enough to either reaffirm existing rules or set up new ones.
• We don’t know how long and under what situations the orphaned status of the new children being brought to us will be able to be determined.
• The newly orphaned children may very well have a biological family who may be looking for them. We cannot send the children out of the country until the families have had a chance to look for them. Right now, that's very difficult because there is no public transportation and very little phone service.
• More than likely, the children will have to be declared legally orphaned by the Haitian courts, and that will take some time.
• Our immediate goal is to get the children out that have adoptive families already, so we can make room in the orphanage for the new orphans.
• If there is a government sponsored foster care plan, it will probably be handled by UNICEF.

There are just too many things that we don’t know. So, until we know more, we can’t accept applications for adoptions. As soon as we are able to accept applications, we will post on our web page, along with the criteria to adopt. You can write to me at that time and I’ll send you the adoption information.

But we do need help in many ways besides for that at the moment. If you would like to help in other ways, please let me know.

something else I've learned and wanted to share

When you are looking at photolistings of kids in foster care, just because there photo is posted there does not mean that child is available for adoption from foster care.

We've figured out it's like some job postings, they are planning to hire from within, but still must post the job for the public. They already have chosen a family for these kids, but for some reason must post their photolistings.

I check many state's sites regularly, so I see some kids as soon as they are posted, inquire, only to find they have already been placed. I find this very curious.

AND

In our state, Virginia, it is not mandatory to take any classes to complete your home study. So we haven't had classes of any kind, just home visits, fingerprinting, physicals, background check, financial check, CPS check, etc. And in Virginia our home study is good for three years. In some other states, home studies are only good for one year. So we may have problems with the one-year states accepting our three-year home study. Wouldn't you think it would all be more standardized?

So we are hoping to take some foster parenting classes so we can add it to our home study report, kinda like improving our adoption résumé to better our chances.

Also, some states won't consider us because we have no "parenting experience." Hello! We cannot have children. So, if we do foster parent for a while we can add that as parenting experience.

Why oh why does this need to be so complicated. There are children who need a home and we have a home to offer.

God's Littlest Angels

If you've watched "Adoption Stories" on Discovery Health, chances are you've seen Dixie Bickel at her orphanage in Haiti.

Many people have suggested that we look into adopting from Haiti this past week, but due to the uncertainty that currently rules in Haiti, adoption applications are not being accepted at this time.

I wanted to post a link to Dixie's orphanage, so you can read a first-hand account of what's going on in Haiti.

update

We started our journey hoping to adopt an abandoned baby from the hospital where my aunt works. Then we looked into private open adoption and found out that it's something “normal” people simply cannot afford.

So, for the past six months or more I have been searching the internet and children who are in foster care and free for adoption (meaning their parent's rights have already been terminated for one reason or another).

Our social worker has suggested we get certified as foster parents for a couple of reasons. This will allow us to get some parenting under our belt and we can add that to our home study. She also stressed that the majority of children who are adopted from foster are adopted by their foster parents.

I'm still wishing someone would just leave a baby in a basket on our doorstep. A girl can dream.

I turn 45 in April and I'm having a lot of stress and anxiety over this fact and the fact that I'm still not a mom, and I don't want people asking me if I'm my child's grandmother!!! And we started trying to get pregnant when I was 34! Who knew!!!

That's my story, and I'm stickin to it!

it's my blog and I'll post if I want to!

Thank you for all your kind words, support and encouragement. I will continue to blog about our adoption journey and try not to let those commenters get to me!

I am happy to know that I do have loyal readers, and as at the beginning of my blogging, I hope someone can learn something about adoption from our journey.

j

Foster Care Adoption Myths & Misperceptions

Foster Care Adoption Myths & Misperceptions

This just came to my Facebook page from AdoptUsKids.com, and it's from the Dave Thomas Foundation website. Some of the facts:

• Foster care adoption is often at little or no expense. Click here for further information on the costs to adopt.
• Children enter the foster care system through no fault of their own, as victims of neglect, abandonment or abuse.
• Virtually every valid study has concluded that children of gays and lesbians adjust positively and their families function well with their children’s outcomes comparable to those of heterosexuals.
• 23 percent of adopted children live with an adoptive parent 55 years or older.

anonymous

Dear Anonymous,

I received your comment today. This is the first contact I've had from you. I have done as you requested.

j

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Dear Readers,

I am no longer allowing comments from Anonymous. I'm afraid I may no longer allow comments at all and may give up the blog altogether.

j